


Welcome to L.A.

by ME_BUDDIE



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Anal Sex, Bottom Evan "Buck" Buckley, Confessions, Developing Relationship, Drug Use, Explicit Consent, Explicit Sexual Content, Family, First Kiss, Love Confessions, M/M, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Non-Consensual Touching, Oral Sex, Rape/Non-con Elements, Relationship Discussions, Secrets, Semi-Public Sex, Top Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:55:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 29,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28332732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ME_BUDDIE/pseuds/ME_BUDDIE
Summary: Buck is visiting his sister after six years away. He meets his friends and his new family, whom he appreciates more than he thought he would. He begins to like them and when he finally considers a new start for him in L.A., everything is called into question when he realizes that he is falling in love.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan “Buck” Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 45
Kudos: 187
Collections: 9-1-1 ▶ Edmundo "Eddie" Diaz / Evan "Buck" Buckley





	1. Surprise !

**Author's Note:**

> This is a first for me! I'm new to this site and English is not my native language so I'm still not very comfortable using it. I still hope that the story will be readable and flawless. Don't hesitate to let me know if it's not the case, so that I can improve. Then, be careful with the tags and don't read if you're not comfortable with them. I publish randomly but I try not to make you wait too long. I hope you like the story! Kisses on all of you!

Evan Buckley yawns at the sign that says "Welcome to Los Angeles". He straightens up in his seat and tightens his grip around the steering wheel. The warm wind hits his face and slides between his hair; it's nice. He smiles; the climate is so much lighter than in Argentina. It is in change that he particularly appreciates. 

The excitement outweighs the fatigue when he glances at the GPS and realizes that he's almost there. 

The trip was longer than expected; four hours longer than what is normally required to reach Los Angeles. He had to stop more than once to relax his leg, which was numb and tense from having been motionless for too long. 

Again, with only a few miles left to go, he feels his leg getting tired. But there's no way he's going to stop again, especially when he's so close. His cursed leg will wait. 

He holds the steering wheel in one hand and in the other, grabs the can of energy drink to bring it to his lips, keeping his eyes on the road. He winces as he drives over a pothole and the edge of the can hits his sore nose. He quickly finishes the drink and glances at its reflection through the rear-view mirror. He grinned again. Although he has regained his normal size, his nose is still blue on the rim and begins to pull yellow around the edges and under his eyes. The bandage at least hides the wound that crosses his ridge, which is only beginning to close. 

He would have preferred to be more presentable to see his sister again. Not that he cares about his appearance; he knows how attractive he is, even with bruises on his face. It's just that Maddie is curious and sometimes too intrusive and he knows she can't help asking too many questions. She always does. But they haven't seen each other for almost six years, maybe she'll be a little more reserved. 

Either way, he can't wait to see her again. 

Nothing is keeping him in Argentina anymore and he is delighted to be able to surprise his sister. In the last few months she has been so insistent on him coming to visit her that he has ended up feeling excruciatingly guilty for saying no every time. It's not that he didn't want to, but he couldn't. Or maybe he didn't dare? It doesn't matter. Now he's here in Los Angeles and he won't let anything or anyone get in the way of their relationship. Not their parents, not their dates, not the distance. 

He has so much regret today... For letting all these factors spoil the special relationship he has always had with his sister. Even though they have been in contact for several months, today text messages and calls are no longer enough. He needs to see her. He needs her to be more present in his life. He is not satisfied with their current relationship. He wants to get back to the one they had in the past. And Maddie has already made that clear to him, that's what she wants too. 

I have a family here, Evan... But it can never be complete without you. 

Those were the last words they exchanged and the last words that drove him on the road. 

Los Angeles is a big city, there will surely be many opportunities ahead of him. And with the money he's been saving for a while, he will have plenty of time to think about what he wants to do with his life without worrying about finding a job. He sees it as a vacation. He will stay in a hotel, enjoy his sister as much as he can and if he likes L.A., then maybe he will move there.

-You have arrived at your destination. Resounds the robotic voice of the GPS, taking him out of his thoughts. 

He parks where there's room left. It's a small, quiet neighborhood but there are lots of cars. The street is quiet and the houses are pretty. It seems... warm. Very different from what he experienced in Argentina, however. 

The house is even more beautiful in real life. It also looks much bigger than in the photos. Maddie gave him a quick tour during a video call a few days ago. 

He smiled as he imagined his sister living here with her new companion. She looks so happy every time they talk on the phone. She seems more fulfilled in this new relationship and this new family than she has ever been with Doug or with their own family... and that's enough to fill his heart with joy. 

He winces as he gets out of the car. His muscles are tense and his joints are cracking, but it's his leg, above all, that protests. He bends and unfolds it several times and easily ignores the burning sensation, too used to it to care. 

He sees a small van parked just in front of the house. Apparently, he is in the middle of moving in.

He walks towards the house, an unconscious smile stretching his lips. He hesitates for a moment to knock on the door and then rethinks himself when he hears laughter coming from the back of the house. He sneaks easily into the garden around the house. 

Well, now he knows who all these cars belong to. 

He discreetly observes the people they assume to be his sister's friends. The ones they now consider to be her family. He smiles a little more. All these little people are eating and chatting happily. 

In the garden, Maddie takes a sip of her beer before giving one to Chimney. Bobby and Athena take care of dividing the pizza slices in several plates. And Hen and Karen laugh at Eddie, who has just been reprimanded by their captain for the way he eats his pizza. 

It is Hen who notices him first, giving his wife a slight nudge as she watches the stranger with a curious frown. 

-Looks like I'm just in time. Is there any left for me? exclaims the blond, drawing everyone's attention. 

Maddie abruptly interrupts her conversation with Eddie and Chimney and turns on her feet at lightning speed. She leaves her beer in the hands of a confused Chimney and almost screams with joy. 

-Evan, oh my God! 

She runs towards him and Buck bends his knees to receive her when she lands in his arms. He wraps his arms around her waist and spins them as he lifts her slightly off the ground. 

Behind them, everyone starts to yak. 

At the first name she has just used, they now know that it is her brother, whom she has already told them about several times. 

They are all delighted to see his arrive, except Chimney, who watches his girlfriend and brother in horror. He turns to his friends in panic. 

-I'm not ready to meet him! You have to be prepared to meet his girlfriend's family and I'm not ready. I thought I would have to meet him through a screen, damn it! He confides in them, putting the beers on the little garden table before needlessly smoothing out his shirt. 

-Don't put so much pressure on yourself, Chimney. I'm sure he's fine. Bobby reassures him. 

-Yeah, don't worry. Look, he looks cool. Said Eddie, pointing to the Buckleys still hugging, with a vague chin movement. 

Hen laughs gently and receives a reproving look from Athena and Karen. 

Chimney nods slightly, as if for himself. 

-Oh, Evan... I'm so glad you're here, I can't even believe it! Maddie smiles and hugs him a little tighter. 

-I thought it was time for me to come visit my favorite big sister. Buck answers. 

-I'm your only sister. She giggles before she backs off. 

Her smile disappears and a worried crease bars her forehead as her eyes fall on her brother's face. 

-How did you do this ? She asks, pointing to his fractured nose that is slowly beginning to heal. 

-Oh, it's nothing serious. Sometimes the job of a bartender is more about stopping fights than serving drinks. He's joking. 

Maddie's face softens but she still seems worried. Buck rolls his eyes. 

-It's nothing, Maddie, really. You should see the other guy's face. 

This time it's Maddie's turn to roll her eyes. 

She wraps an arm around his waist and points him towards her guests, who have listened to everything they've said. 

Chimney is stiff as a post when they see the Buckleys heading towards them. Towards him. 

Buck stands out from his sister as he rushes over him with arms wide open and a huge smile on his face. 

-Chimney, buddy, it's great to meet you! He declares as he hugs him. 

The rest of the guests exchange glances as the smell of marijuana from Buck's clothes reaches their nostrils. 

Athena raises an eyebrow to Maddie's attention with one hand on her hip and Maddie offers an apologetic grin. Athena raises her eyes to the sky with a flippant wave of her hand to let her know it's okay. 

Chimney doesn't have time to rejoice too quickly in this outpouring of tenderness because soon Buck's voice sounds again, this time in a low, confident tone. 

-If you hurt my sister, you'll end up like the other guy.

Chimney freezes. 

Maddie rolls her eyes at his protective brother act. 

-Don't bother him. She says. 

Buck releases his sister's boyfriend and puts a friendly hand on his shoulder. 

-I'm kidding, man, relax. He laughs softly. 

Chimney finally allows herself to smile as he meets the sincere and caring eyes of the blonde. He knows he's not kidding, though, when he says he would crush him if he hurt Maddie. But hurting her is not in his plans so he's just happy to know that someone else cares about her well-being and safety. 

Eddie decides to break the moment that is starting to get embarrassing by showing up, reaching out his hand. 

-Hi, I'm... 

-Eddie. Buck interrupts him by placing his eyes on him, shaking his hand. I know.

Eddie tilts his head in a silent interrogation. 

-Well, my sister didn't lie to me... He confides as he watches him. 

Eddie almost feels uncomfortable in front of this look that looks at him up and down with a little too much insistence for a stranger. 

He is... He is clearly ogling him there, isn't he? Or maybe he is mistaken? He's not really sure. 

He frowns in a new question, but he doesn't get a chance to get an answer. 

Maddie widens her eyes and gives her brother a pat on the shoulder. 

-Don't start! She reprimands him. 

Buck chuckles and moves away from Eddie to move on to Bobby and Athena. Bobby offers his hand and smiles friendly to Buck. 

-Nice to meet you, kid. We've heard a lot about you. 

-Have we? Ask Buck. 

-Yes, you have. Answer Athena. 

The smile he sends back to them is radiant and he looks like a child who's just been promised dessert. The couple smiles affectionately as they watch him turn to the two women. 

-And you must be Hen and Karen. He says as he holds out his hand to them. 

Hen rolls her eyes. 

-None of that between us. She says before she draws him into her arms for a quick hug. 

Buck laughs, surprised, but gladly accepts the hug. Karen imitates her wife a few seconds later. 

-How could she not kiss the man who threw a candle in the face of a homophobic cashier? Tease Karen. 

Buck laughs lightly as he puts a hand on his neck, embarrassed, recalling memories from the distant past. 

-Oh, she told you that? 

-That, and a lot of other things. Bid Bobby, adding a plate for Buck. 

Introductions made, discussions resumed and Buck accepted the beer and pizza plate given to him. Maddie watches her brother chatting and laughing with her friends with such ease that it's almost unsettling. She sometimes forgets that Buck is so open and sociable. Always ready to meet new people. He fits in so easily. Anyway, it's nice to see. Her friends literally seem to have adopted him. She couldn't have asked for anything better. 

Buck is thrilled. He's the center of attention and he's welcomed as if he's always been part of the family, like he's at home. It feels good. 

Eddie finds himself observing this guy in more detail.

It's his turn to watch. 

And his eyes are not disappointed by what they discover. Long legs and an ass molded in black jeans. Muscular arms and a torso that he guesses is sculpted under the shirt. Full and pink lips. And that azure look is something. Without a doubt, he would be even more attractive without that bruise that covers his nose and extends right under his eyes. 

He still wonders about what he said earlier. About the fact that Maddie didn't lie about him. He is curious. He thinks about questioning Maddie later. 

When the blond man crosses his glance while he is busy discussing with Bobby and Karen, the enticing smile that he addresses to him leaves no more room for doubt. 

This guy definitely checked him out earlier. 

He looks away and does his best to keep a calm face. Yet, inside, he is delighted with the interest he arouses in him. 

-Where are you going to stay tonight? Ask Maddie when Chimney brings her a glass of water. 

-At the hotel. Buck answers by biting into a slice of pizza. 

Maddie frowns. 

-We just put the couch in the living room. You can sleep over. 

-No, the hotel is perfect for me, Mads. 

Maddie protests for a moment, but he refuses. Bobby and Athena even end up proposing to him to spend the night at home in the guest room. 

-It is nice, really. But it will be all right. Moreover, I already reserved. He declines politely. 

With the pizzas gone, they quietly finish their drinks, motivating themselves for the work they still have to do. 

Buck offers to help, but this time it's Maddie's turn to refuse. 

-No. You've come a long way, you must be tired. She simply answers. 

Chimney watches her nervously fiddling with her glass of water. 

-When are you... when are you going back? She asks, hesitantly. 

Buck reassures her with a simple smile. 

-I don't know how long I'm going to stay, but I'm not leaving now. I'm here for a little while, Mads. 

Maddie smiles and she is glowing. Her smile is contagious, so everyone is happy about this announcement.

Then Maddie wonders about this sudden decision. He who kept repeating that he could not come to visit her, here he is now for an indefinite period of time... However, she saves her questions for later and simply rejoices at the news. 

-Go to the hotel, get some rest. She encourages him, because it is obvious that he is exhausted. We'll finish assembling the rest of the furniture tomorrow, if you still want to help. 

Buck smiles and nods. 

While they're busy clearing the plates and empty bottles, Eddie discreetly watches the blond man bend over when he wants to pick up a couple of empty bottles lying around on the lawn. His gaze is automatically drawn to his exposed lower back and he frowns when he sees that the pale strip of skin is strewn with dark spots. Other bruises, older ones it seems. Eddie quickly turns his eyes away and observes the others. No one seems to have noticed, all too busy cleaning. He then keeps his questions to himself. After all, it doesn't concern him at all. He shouldn't have seen him in the first place, by the way, if he didn't have his eyes wandering. 

Buck bids a quick farewell, his fatigue catching up with him. He thanks them for the warm welcome, hugs Maddie and promises Chimney that they will get to know each other better later. 

Oh and, he doesn't forget to give Eddie a lustful look as he leaves. 

If the brunette thinks at first that no one noticed the smiles and the looks pressed against him, he soon realizes that this is not the case when he hears Hen's mocking laughter. 

-I think you have an admirer, handsome. You've turned his head. 

Eddie scowls and mumbles into his beard when he notices that Hen isn't the only one staring at him with that laughing look. 

Maddie is the only one who doesn't. She grinds slightly. 

-Sorry about that... My brother is not very subtle. 

Eddie smiles at her to reassure her. 

-It's okay. That's nothing.

And of course it's something.


	2. An angry subject

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A very good year 2021 to all of you, hopefully better than the previous one, wishing you success, health, love, wealth, security and of course, happiness!
> 
> So much for chapter 2 where Buck reveals himself a little, to the great misfortune -or maybe not- of Eddie. 
> 
> Small note: ARA = Armada de la República Argentina = the Argentine Navy. 
> 
> Happy reading and kisses on all of you!

When Buck wakes up the next morning, he has never been rested in his entire life. 

The hotel is better than he thought it would be. The time when he slept in a real bed was almost years ago. Between the stiff bunks of his time at the ARA, the uncomfortable couch in his apartment in Argentina and the sprung seat in his car on which he has slept for the last few days to drive here.

The mattress is so soft and the sheets so silky that he spends hours lounging around. 

He grins as he stretches, burying his face in the pillows when his leg cracks and a wave of pain ripples from his calf up to his thigh. 

He sighs. He can't remember the last time his damn leg didn't give him a problem. He doesn't even know what it feels like not to have stiffness, cramps or pain. It is like a constant, cruel reminder of a time he would rather forget. 

When he arrives at Maddie and Chimney's house later in the morning, he finds himself giving her a detailed description of the hotel so that she stops insisting that he sleep on her couch. 

The hotel is really very nice. His room is rather spacious, the atmosphere is intimate with the warm colors of the decoration and the softened lights. The bathroom is large too, there is a shower spacious enough to hold two people -not that it is important- and there is even a bathtub. And most importantly, the bed is incredibly comfortable. It really is. Needless to say, it can also hold more than one person. 

Maddie seems to have been reassured that she doesn't bring up the subject afterwards. 

It turns out that he is the first to arrive so he chats quietly with Maddie and Chimney over coffee and a croissant. 

He tells them how he got here. By taking a direct flight to Atlanta, where he bought a car and then drove here. 

Buck is thrilled to see how easy their relationship is. Maddie breathes happiness and it warms his heart. Chimney is sweet, funny and caring. Everything her sister deserves. More than her parents, her ex-husband Doug, or even he could ever give her. Namely, genuine love and unwavering support. A family. 

Maddie finds it hard to hide her smile when she sees how well her boyfriend and brother seem to get along so well. It's not so surprising actually; they're both friendly, share the same dubious sense of humor and love for her - without sounding narcissistic, of course. 

Chimney is finally more relaxed. Bobby and Eddie were right; his brother-in-law is really good. In fact he's even more than that; he's just great. He laughed at one of his jokes. And this, well, this could be the best day of his life. The day he found a partner. He's too used to Hen rolling his eyes, Eddie grinning, Bobby ignoring him and Maddie shaking her head. 

The others arrive a little later, when they have already unloaded some furniture inside the house. However, Karen and Athena are missing. Karen because she is babysitting Denny who is having one of his friend over for a sleepover and Athena because it seems she is working on an important investigation right now. 

They unload the remaining furniture in no time and slowly start to assemble it, chatting quietly. 

Chimney left to return the moving truck and Maddie followed him with her car so she could bring it back. 

Bobby and Buck are assembling the television cabinet and Hen and Eddie are building the bookcase board by board. 

Eddie practically hides behind one of the partitions to escape the inquisitive eyes of the newcomer. As soon as he walks through the door, he gives him a mischievous smile. It clearly looks like an invitation. And Eddie is flattered, really. But he's not ready to be with anyone in any way. 

He can almost hear a little voice in his head laughing at him. 

No, the truth is that he is not ready to admit that this man attracts him more than he should. He has never thought of anyone that way. And it's probably because this guy turned him on from the start and he hasn't had sex with anyone in a long time. He knows he won't resist his invitation for long if he keeps looking at him that way. 

That's why he hides. At least, as far as a two-inch-wide board will allow him. 

The conversation naturally moves towards Buck and Eddie would be lying if he said he's not as curious as his friends. 

-So, how long have you lived in Argentina? Bobby questions as he holds a board upright so Buck can tighten the screws with a screwdriver.

-About seven years. I left home quite young. I always wanted to travel so I did. Until I arrived in Argentina and decided to move there a year after I first hit the road. 

-And are you planning to go back? To Argentina? 

Hen silently mocks Bobby, who isn't very subtle, although Buck doesn't know what's on his mind. 

-No, I've said goodbye to South America. I still don't know where I'll go next, but it will be somewhere in the United States. Near Maddie. 

Buck is happy to answer their questions. He has always liked being taken care of. 

Before Bobby can continue, Hen interrupts him, casting a reproving glance at his captain. 

-And do you have someone in your life, Buck? His tone is anything but innocent. 

Hen winks at Eddie, who gives her an almost desperate look. 

The day before, after the blond guy left, they kept yelling at him about it. Hen in particular. 

Eddie does everything he can not to look at him when he hears his giggling. 

-No. Relationships aren't really my thing. 

Eddie risks a discreet glance, over a board, and directly crosses Buck's gaze. 

Shit. 

He looks away just as quickly, but he's not missing the innuendo-filled smile. Hen doesn't miss it either. 

Eddie glares at him blackly. 

-So you've never been in a relationship? Hen continues. 

-I don't think so? Or at any rate, probably not in the way you mean. 

Before Hen can question him further, Bobby brings up the subject again. 

-Maddie told us you were in... the ARA? That's it?

Eddie looks at him again, this time to see his expression darken. His playful smile fades and a shadow passes in his eyes. 

-Exact. For five years. He responds vaguely. 

Bobby seems confused, probably wondering what he said or did to make Buck's good mood diminish. Eddie and Hen share a meaningful look. 

An angry subject, obviously. 

Hen comes to the rescue of his captain. 

-What Bobby is trying to tell you is that the firehouse are understaffed. 

Buck looks up at Hen and a slight smile flutters on his lips but he seems forced. 

-Oh. He scratches his neck, looking at Bobby. I'm flattered, really. But I'm... kind of on vacation, actually. I need a break. But it's... it's temporary. 

Bobby smiles friendly. 

-Well, know that if you feel like it, the door is wide open. We would be delighted to welcome someone with your experience in our ranks. 

-Thank you. I'll think about it. 

Chimney and Maddie return shortly afterwards, when Buck and Bobby are just finishing installing the TV cabinet. 

Eddie thinks he's saved. He thinks that with his sister in the room, Buck won't try anything. Or at least, nothing more than a smile or a meaningful look. 

But he's wrong. 

Buck doesn't seem to have any restraint or limit. He's... shameless, obvioulsy.

When Maddie asks Hen for help with the furniture arrangement in the upstairs bedroom, Hen is quicker than lightning to set up a subterfuge. 

-Buck, will you take over for me? She asks, pointing with her chin to the library, which is soon to be completed. 

-Of course. Buck accepts, smiling. 

Hen ignores Eddie's begging look and joins Maddie upstairs. 

Eddie glances at Chimney and Bobby unpacking dishes in the kitchen a few yards away. Too far to help him... 

And too late, too, Buck is just standing there, staring at his body and licking his lips as if he were looking at a treat. 

There are a few seconds of silence, where their attention is focused on the piece of furniture, before Buck speaks and Eddie wishes to disappear. 

-So, in case you haven't really noticed, I like you. 

Eddie wants to fight. He really does. But his words stimulate his stupid ego. 

But Buck is Maddie's brother, his friend's brother. He can't do this. Can he? No. He can't.

He watches Buck raise an eyebrow. 

Shit, he's probably been quiet too long. 

-I noticed. But I'm, um... I'm sorry, but you're not my type. 

Eddie regrets his words the moment they come out of his mouth. He should have found something less... hurtful, maybe? Like the fact that he's not interested in men, or that he already has someone. Or any other lie that might sound believable.

But Buck doesn't mind. And his smile is always there. In fact, he even seems to be laughing at him.

-Okay, so first of all, you should learn to lie better than that. Really. Secondly, you should also learn to be more subtle ; I saw the way you were looking at me. And thirdly, he says by getting a little closer, I'm everyone's type. He ends with a wink. 

The shelf slips out of her hands and she hits the one underneath. 

Chimney instinctively turns to them. 

-Be careful, Eddie. If you damage Maddie's library, I swear, man, she's gonna kill you. 

Eddie almost jumps. 

-Oh, yeah, sorry. He's coming to his senses. 

Eddie avoids the blondie look, and together, they finish assembling the bookcase in silence. As they screw in the screws on either side of the last shelf, Chimney approaches and drops a bottle of water on each of them before leaving immediately. 

Eddie takes a sip while Buck finishes screwing. 

-So, you and me, Buck asks when he's finished, are we going to fuck? 

Eddie chokes on his water, spits out half of what he swallowed and coughs loudly. 

Buck just stares at him seriously, obviously waiting for an answer. 

-Is he okay? Asks Bobby from the kitchen, arching an eyebrow in their direction. 

Eddie can't answer. He's frozen, his eyes glued to Buck, staring at him in amazement. 

Buck smiles and turns his head towards Bobby. 

-Yes, it's all right. He just swallowed wrong. 

Eddie feels himself blushing. And from the satisfied look on Buck's face when he looks at him again, it seems that this is exactly what he was waiting for. 

Just when he thinks it couldn't get any worse, Buck reaches out his hand and his fingers sweep the few drops of water onto his chin. 

-I could show you how it's done, if you like. He says, lower. I'm pretty good.

The vision these words provoke in his mind is too vulgar for his own sanity. 

-Buck, I need you! Scream Maddie from upstairs. 

And without further ado, Buck runs away, leaving Eddie to his fate. 

It takes almost five minutes to remember how to move. And when he really comes to his senses, he feels ridiculous. He wipes his chin with the bottom of his shirt, which is already wet anyway, shaking his head at his own reaction, before joining Bobby and Chimney in the kitchen. 

Chimney arches an eyebrow towards his wet shirt. 

-Are you sure you're okay? 

-Yeah, uh, yeah, I'm fine. Eddie sweeps their questions with a wave of his hand, helping them put away the rest of the dishes. 

And of course, he's not fine.


	3. He's an asshole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much for chapter 3. I hope it's understandable, it's late - or early - and I reread it with tired eyes. 😬 
> 
> Can't wait to see Chimney in weasel mode. And to see how Buck will do next time he sees Eddie. 😌 
> 
> Oh and also, does anyone know how to integrate an image into a chapter, just in case? 😅 
> 
> Happy reading and kisses on all of you! 💋

Maddie's brother is an asshole. 

It's the only thing Eddie has in mind when he finally lets himself fall on his couch after a hard week's work. 

No matter how much everyone seems to love him, Eddie doesn't.

He's nothing more than an unconscious, immature, arrogant kid. And a tease. A fucking tease. 

Let's go back a little bit to understand how he came to this conclusion : 

The team is overworked, still sore from Maddie and Chim moving in last weekend. As if that wasn't enough, today seems to be a crazy day. They're making one call after another, barely having time to look for something to eat in the fridge or to sit on the couch for about ten seconds. 

It's close to three o'clock in the afternoon when they get a call about a drunk student who has been injured on campus. 

They're not exactly thrilled to get there, in no hurry to meet a crowd of delirious students circling around them like vultures. 

Once on campus, they head straight to one of the back courtyards, where a small crowd is gathered around a young girl moaning on the ground. 

It turns out that the state she is in is due more to the amount of alcohol she has ingested than to the shock to her head when she collapsed on the lawn. 

Bobby and Chimney keep the students at bay while Eddie and Hen hoist the young woman onto a stretcher, then make their way back to the truck. 

There is more excitement than earlier in front of the campus when they put the girl in the back of the truck. 

-It looks like something is going on. Says Hen as he watches the crowd of students standing around what appears to be some sort of obstacle course. 

-The headstand! The headstand! The headstand! They hear the students screaming. 

-Who's crazy enough to attempt such a course after a headstand? Chimney is having fun, glancing incredulously at his colleagues. 

-I think we should wait a minute. In case we have to deal with whoever's about to do this. sighs Bobby, taking a look at the young woman lying on the gurney. 

A student steps aside to answer a call on his phone, just enough to clear their view. 

Suddenly, Eddie is more interested in what's going on on this campus than he had been since they got here. 

-Tell me I'm dreaming. Chimney is hallucinating. 

His colleagues are just as surprised as he is, but it takes him less than a second to get his phone out and launch the camera app. 

-What the hell are you doing? Asks Hen as the three of them stare at him.

-Just to have something to use against him that I could show Maddie if he ever has something against me too. He explains, nonchalant. 

-I thought he was your new best friend? Hen is laughing. 

-Yes, but a vicious friend. Those are Maddie's words, not mine. So I'm just taking some precautions. He says with a shrug, before he starts filming. 

The man who did the headstand, swallowing alcohol through a pipe connected to a barrel that a guy is holding him, and who is none other than Buck, is again standing, and the small group of students around of him and the barrel of alcohol spread out a bit, enough for them to see him completely this time.

Chimney concentrates when a whistle blows, announcing the start of the course and zooms in on the screen so they don't miss a crumb of what's about to happen. 

Their attention is focused entirely on Buck who, with surprising agility - especially for a man who has just made a headstand - runs and climbs one obstacle after another, showing not the slightest sign of wobbling as he gains height. 

The rest of the course is similar to the beginning, except that he now has to do it on the way down. 

He doesn't flinch for a moment, despite the instability of the platform and the facilities and the amount of alcohol he has ingested. 

The race ends when Buck puts his feet on the ground and takes in his hands the face of the girl who has been waiting patiently at the end of the course all along, suddenly putting his lips on hers.

The girl next door blows the whistle again and shouts into the megaphone; 

-We have a new record of forty-three seconds! Let's applaud our reigning champion for the fourth time today! 

The crowd applauds and cheers loudly. 

Chimney stops filming when the girl's hands slide over Buck's ass, grimacing in disgust. 

Eddie would probably make the same face if he didn't have so much self control. 

For the fourth time, huh? Looks like someone had a lot of fun. 

He feels a hand gently rubbing his back and when he turns his head, it is to fall on a mocking and mischievous Hen. 

-Don't make that face. She says to him. 

Well, not as much self control as that, apparently... 

-It's for a good cause. She takes up again, pointing with her index finger at the huge sign with the capital letter "FIGHT AGAINST MUCOVISCIDOSIS - A KISS = DONATION OF $5". 

Eddie shakes his head and rolls his eyes, ignoring Buck's hands slipping over the young woman's body, grasping her thighs so she can hook her legs around his waist. 

For a good cause, huh? Seriously, these two are ready to fuck on the floor in the middle of the crowd. What do they think? That the donation amount will increase if they do more than just kiss? 

Eddie keeps his thoughts to himself and climbs into the ambulance, before being imitated by the rest of his colleagues. 

He does what he can to disregard the amused smile that stretches Hen's lips. 

So she will never leave him alone? 

Eddie doesn't even know why he's so angry at first. 

Because Buck is like those damn students who do stupid things without seeing the danger? No, Buck knew exactly what he was doing and he seemed to be fully aware of his abilities.  
Because Buck crashed a student party to get drunk in the middle of the day? No, that party isn't just for students and he didn't look that drunk anyway.  
Because Buck is probably finishing what he started with this girl in a room when just a few days ago he was heating him up to death in front of his friends and colleagues? No, he-- Yes, actually, that's exactly it. 

Eddie frowns when he realizes, unable to understand his own reaction. 

Why would he feel angry about that? It's ridiculous. 

Buck openly offered to sleep with him, but he didn't respond. Why would Buck deprive himself anyway, even if he had accepted his offer? 

Even so, he can't help but be angry. Because his ego is crumbling. 

He thought that Buck was really interested in him, that he really wanted him. But Buck is just a guy who jumps on everything that moves, who just wants to get laid, no matter with whom. He knew that, though, Maddie already told them a few stories about it. But it had been so long since anyone had been interested in him or hadn't hit on him or looked at him. Not that way, anyway. Not so openly. Not so insistently. Not so covetously. 

He realizes now that it wasn't him. That it's just the way Buck approaches everyone he wants to bang. 

And that's why he's pissed off; for his damn ego taking a beating. 

And that's why Eddie has come to the conclusion that Maddie's brother is an asshole. 

Chimney looks at his girlfriend as if he's just pushed her a second head. 

The video he made of Buck turns out to be completely useless. One, because there's nothing Buck could be ashamed of; he didn't throw up, he didn't fall down, the guy actually broke a record and kissed a beautiful girl. He figured it wasn't a big deal, because even if there was nothing embarrassing on the video, Maddie would probably be angry if she saw it. Because it was dangerous and she's the oldest; she would probably repress it. And Chimney knows that she can be scary when she's worried or angry. Anyway. It made sense. 

Until Buck showed up at their house on Friday, barely three days after the campus call, and told Maddie every last detail of what happened. 

And Chimney might just be disappointed because he's lost his only potential leverage. But no, in fact, he's shocked. Not because Buck told his sister about it so easily, no. After all, he doesn't really know about their relationship. Maybe they're still honest with each other and there's not much they don't tell each other. Although, judging by the warning Maddie gave them all about not telling Buck about the whole Doug thing, he doubts that's the case? 

No, what shocks him is to hear these words coming out of Buck's mouth; 

-Forty-three seconds, Maddie! Forty-three! That's ten less than my record when I was in high school and five less than yours! 

And these from Maddie's mouth; 

-Stop showing off. You have no merit, you are over-trained! Me, I must have weighed thirty-five kilos all wet and I hadn't just stuffed myself with food! 

-What's the report? Asks Buck with a scowl of disdain.

-The report? It's that my record was and will remain an exploit because no one can hold alcohol as well and achieve such a feat while being on an empty stomach and as thin as I was! Maddie answers him at once. 

-You show off. That doesn't prove anything. Anyway, here in L.A., it's me who will be remembered. 

Maddie sweeps his answer with a flippant hand gesture and rolls her eyes and Buck smiles, visibly proud and satisfied to have had the last word. 

-I'm trying to imagine you in high school, doing this kind of... stuff and it's really... confusing. Chimney finally intervenes, once the surprise is over. 

The Buckleys simultaneously turn their heads towards him as if they've just remembered him. 

-University. Corrects Maddie. High school was Buck. I was never as... precocious as he was. 

Buck responds to his sister's mocking look with his most beautiful hypocritical smile. 

-Yeah. Maddie wasn't always the wise girl you see here. She spent her days studying but her evenings, weekends, vacations... drinking and dancing. A real party girl, really. I learned everything from her. 

Maddie lets out a stunned laugh before pointing an accusing finger at him. 

-Correction. I drank in moderation, you drank yourself into a blackout. I would dance quietly in my corner, you would show off and turn any dance into a striptease. So don't come and say that I taught you that! 

-Thanks for the picture... Chimney grimaces.

Buck shrugs his shoulders, crossing his hands behind his head, nonchalant. 

-What do you want? I don't like to do things by halves. 

-Oh, yeah, we've noticed. Well, Eddie noticed. Chimney laughs and Maddie stretches out an amused smile. 

Buck's interest is piqued, giggling as if he were extremely proud of himself. Maddie rolls her eyes. 

-Leave him alone, that poor boy. You'll traumatize him. She scolds him gently. 

-Hey, you're the one who started this before we even met, remember? What were your words again? Oh yes! You should come to L.A., Chimney has a really hot co-worker, I'm sure you'd like him. Reminds her of Buck. 

Chimney suddenly frowns. 

-Do you think Eddie's hot? He asks, with a fake hurt pout. 

Maddie doesn't have time to answer that Buck is giggling. 

-No, but seriously? Have you looked at him? 

Chimney remains silent for a few seconds, frowning slightly as if he was making a mental picture of his friend. 

-It's true that he's hot... He sighs fatally. 

And Maddie laughs so hard that she has tears in her eyes. 

Buck smiles as he takes turns looking at them, his heart swelling with joy, because he hasn't heard her laugh like that in ages. 

When she finally calms down, he takes the opportunity to ask ; 

-He's single, isn't he? 

Chimney nods. 

-Yeah. Widowed, actually. He clarifies. 

Buck feels pale. 

-Oh, shit. He blows. That's, uh... How long has it been? 

-Not long. His wife died a little over a year ago. Answers Maddie, a sad smile lingering on her lips. 

Buck simply nods his head and Chimney starts the conversation again on a lighter subject, in which he doesn't really participate. 

His mind is stuck on the word "widower". For some reason, he feels bad. Not because he is saddened by the news. Well, of course he feels empathy for Eddie. Who wouldn't? 

But it's not just that. It's that he feels bad about hitting on him-- no, the right word is heated to death, when the guy lost the woman who shared his life. 

Luckily, he didn't go through with his charmer act, it would have been-- God, he doesn't even want to imagine what it would have been like. 

He realizes he's got it all wrong. That he absolutely misinterpreted everything. And this is the first time, by the way. 

He thought that Eddie was surprised by his audacity but that he wasn't against the idea. That he was just embarrassed by the fact that Buck was so, well, direct. That he had blushed because he was flattered by Buck's intention. And that he looked at him because he was interested. 

But he wasn't at all. 

Eddie was just uncomfortable and he didn't know how to push Buck away. 

And Buck him-- oh, my God, he turned it on, he touched it and... He feels like crap. 

Buck loves sex. Really. With women, with men, with younger or older people, anywhere, anytime... And it's true, he has countless conquests to his credit. But he makes a point of never sleep with someone who is settled, whether in a couple or married, it doesn't matter, he will never be the man who will break up a household. Never. But a widower? He has never asked himself this question since he has never met a widower. Eddie is young, he never assumed he could be a widower. He hasn't seen a ring on his finger and Maddie has never made any remark about him being with someone so he just assumed he was single. And so, technically, he wouldn't break up any marriage to sleep with Eddie if Eddie wanted him to, although he obviously didn't; he knows that now. 

So why does he feel so bad? He doesn't really know. If Eddie were a stranger, he doesn't say he wouldn't care, but he would move on and he wouldn't think so much... but Eddie is his sister's friend and she seems to like him very much. So maybe that's why he feels so crappy. 

This is the first time in his life that he's ever felt guilty, and maybe even a little ashamed, about hitting on someone. 

He's not sure how he feels about that. In fact, he doesn't even want to think about it. 

-Hey, Buck, are you even listening to me? Maddie's looking at him interrogatingly, a sign that he's been away a little too long. 

-I'm sorry. You were saying? 

Maddie rolls her eyes, but repeat; 

-Bobby and Athena organize a dinner at home tomorrow evening. You are invited. 

-Oh? He looks surprised, standing up and wiggling in his chair like a kid who was promised a lollipop. 

Maddie is amused by his obvious enthusiasm, although he tries to hide it. 

-Yes. Everyone will be there. It will give you a chance to meet the children and Michael, Athena's ex-husband, whom you haven't seen yet. 

-Yeah, okay, great. I'll be there. At what time? Buck's smiling. 

-Six o'clock. Don't be late. 

-You know what I'm like. 

-Exactly. Maddie retorts with a steady gaze. 

Buck shakes his head and prepares to throw the ball back to him but Maddie's fingers regularly hit home plate on the center island and she bites the inside of her cheek. 

-Spit it out. What's up? He sighs before taking a sip of his beer that he has given up for a while. 

-What's up? There's nothing there. She frowns and plays with the clasp on his earring. 

Buck raises his eyebrows; he doesn't believe her. He knows there's something there and she doesn't know how to tell him. When Maddie is lying, she fiddles with her earring. When she's nervous, she bites the inside of her cheek.

-Look, you know I'm not going to judge the way you live or anything... She starts and Chimney can see from Buck's rigid posture that he's not going to like this conversation. 

Chimney watches them over the neck of his beer, remaining silent. If Buck is like Maddie when she gets mad, well, the arguments must be pretty damn... scary. And loud. 

-Mm-hmm. Buck nods nonchalantly even though they both notice the tension in his shoulders. 

-It's just, you know, we'd rather you didn't smoke before coming to dinner. Maddie's finally does.

Chimney has seen a couple of video calls where Maddie and Buck were bickering a little bit when they reconnected because Maddie was questioning certain decisions or criticizing the way he was living when he was still in Argentina. Maddie didn't want to be mean, Chimney knew that. And Buck knew it too, because he didn't stay mad at her for very long. She just worried about him and sometimes it was too much. Too much, because they hadn't seen or talked to each other in years. Too much, because Buck was used to being alone, with no one to stick his nose in his stuff and tell him what he didn't want to hear. Maddie understood this and made an effort to stop being so intrusive. She always reprimanded him, of course. After all, he was her little brother. But she was less brusque and it seemed to work, because they weren't fighting as much as they used to. 

Chimney watches Buck suddenly frown, but he's not angry, he just seems confused. 

-What? He asks, tilting his head to the side. 

-Yeah-- Look, I'm not trying to get in your way, I swear. It's just that Bobby, well, he-- Maddie's struggling with her words, like she's not comfortable divulging a piece of Bobby's life. 

Chimney taps his knee against her under the table and smiles at her before finishing in his place; 

-Bobby has a history with drugs and you know, it's a daily struggle. So maybe it would be best if you avoided smoking before you come. Not to mention that Athena is a cop so it would be bad form to show up at her house like that. She didn't say anything the first time because you had just arrived and you were at our house, but trust me, you don't want to tempt the devil. Chimney ends with a joke, to lighten the mood. 

Maddie is apprehensive about her brother's reaction and Chimney observes, waiting for a reaction, but Buck just seems even more confused. 

-The first time? He ends up repeating. 

Maddie nods her head. 

-Yeah, when you arrived. You smelled like marijuana. She explains. 

Buck's eyebrows go up when he finally realizes. 

-Oh. Oh! No, that's not... Well, it is. I mean, yes, I do smoke sometimes, but I have a prescription for it. But I hadn't smoked when I got here. I drove here, Maddie, I wouldn't have risked driving while I was high. I think the smell must have gotten on my clothes, that's why. I didn't pay attention. He explains, any tension having deserted him. 

Maddie is reassured at first. Because she knows that her brother likes to go out, to have fun but... drugs? She doesn't really support it, even if she has refrained from making the slightest remark to him until now. 

But then she worries a little bit. 

-A prescription? Chimney asks, echoing her thoughts. 

Buck looks like a deer caught between the headlights. It only lasts a second, but they both have time to notice him, before he quickly recovers. 

-Yeah, I... Do you remember the... accident? Well, the doctor said I'd still get some pain sometimes. And he didn't really like the idea of giving me painkillers or anything like that. He's more into herbs and natural remedies and... all that. So, uh, yeah, he prescribed them for me. He explains it with a little bit of laughter.

Chimney doesn't allow himself to intrude on the conversation, but he remembers the accident. Maddie hadn't heard from him for over a week and when Buck finally called him, he was pretty vague about what had happened. An enemy attack during a mission, nothing really out of the ordinary when you're in the army, just a slung arm and a broken leg, he said. But as an paramedic, he doubts Buck's claims on the inside. A broken arm and leg shouldn't cause pain, even occasional, not after months. Or at least not to the point that he has to take something to ease the pain.  
But he doesn't say anything, he and Buck get along well but they don't know each other, not that well, not yet, he hopes, so he knows it's not up to him to question his word. 

Maddie is very close to believing him, when finally he unconsciously slides his finger across his brow bone. When Buck is nervous, he rubs the tip of his index finger against his birthmark just above his eyebrow. When he lies, he bites the inside of his cheek. 

-Oh, okay. But... are you good? She hesitates a little to ask. 

-Yes, it's okay. I'm okay. Don't worry about it. I told you, it's really casual. It doesn't happen very often. 

Maddie's no more reassured because this time Buck is biting the inside of his cheek. 

He just gave himself away. She has no more doubts, Buck has just lied to her. 

Buck can almost feel a drop of sweat dripping down his back. He knows he has gestures that betray him, just like Maddie does. He'd rather know what his own gestures are than what Maddie's are. That would save him a lot of trouble, especially with her. The number of times she's found out about him because of this is much higher than the number of times he's found out about her. Probably because he was lying a lot more than her. 

Anyway, today it seems he's doing pretty well because his sister isn't saying anything. 

Maddie just nods her head, taking in the obvious lie. She doesn't know if he's lying about having a prescription, about the fact that it's occasional, or about the fact that he's doing well. It might even be all three, what does she know? 

However, she doesn't say anything. Not today anyway. But she will, he can count on that. She's willing to let go of a meaningless lie, but not something about his health. 

Buck smiles, before he finishes his beer and gets up. He says goodbye to them with a quick hug one after the other and tells them they'll see each other for dinner on Saturday and jokingly assures them that he won't smoke. 

When Chimney closes the door behind Buck, he is still hesitant to tell Maddie about his suspicions. Because, well, maybe it's his paranoia that's taking over. But, at the same time, his paranoid side has never been wrong until now. 

However, he doesn't have time to think about it any longer because, when he comes back to the kitchen, Maddie turns to him and says without a shadow of a doubt ; 

-He lied to me. 

Chimney grimaces but doesn't contradict her. 

-Do you think he really has a prescription? 

Maddie nods sharply as she brings her glass of wine to his lips, before taking a little sip before answering ;

-Yes, believe me, if my brother smoked pot just for fun, he would never have bothered to invent something. You know, he's not the type to be ashamed of his cravings or his life choices. 

-Or ashamed of anything, for that matter. Chimney jokes and he manages to make Maddie laugh a little, and she nods. 

-No, I'm starting to think he hasn't told me everything, you know, about the accident. I mean, I was so worried that when he told me that he was okay and that it wasn't serious, I didn't even imagine that he could lie to me. But he had to, didn't he? Because, continuing to have pain from a fracture months later... it's not normal. 

Chimney rests his elbow on the center island and rests his chin in his hand, watching Maddie for a moment. 

-I think he lied about something, yes. But... don't worry too much. You saw him, he's fine. I mean, I even have a video that can attest to that. 

Maddie tilts her head to one side, squinting. 

-Really? Let me see that. 

And Chimney shows her the video and they both laugh and squint in disgust as the girl and Buck snuggle shamelessly in front of everyone. 

Chimney is satisfied. 

Maddie hasn't forgotten but at least she seems less worried. 

If Maddie promises to tell Buck about it later, Chimney promises to do his little investigation and go fishing for information. 

Because, as Hen often tells him, he's very good at snooping and gossiping. And if it'll make his girlfriend feel better, well, he won't mind.


	4. What the fuck was that ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of contradiction, embarrassment and ego issues for chapter 4! And also a bit of flirting... 😏 
> 
> See the note at the end of the chapter for the translation of the sentences in Spanish (it's approximate because I used a translator for that). 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the mess of thoughts of these two idiots and their little physical interaction. 😌 
> 
> Enjoy reading! 🖤 
> 
> Kisses on all of you! 💋

Eddie is angry.

And it hasn't happened to him in a long time. 

His life has been pretty quiet lately. He hadn't been angry since, well, since Shannon died and the street fights. He had dealt with those issues and - he would always thank Bobby for pushing him - he had learned to face and accept his emotions rather than suppress them. 

So, of course, he's not so angry that he wants to punch someone, but just angry enough to be noticed. 

It seems that since he has become in tune with his emotions, they are portrayed on his face without him even noticing. 

So, yes, when Eddie finds out that Bobby and Athena invited Maddie's brother to Saturday night dinner, he's in a bad mood. 

And what really puts him in a bad mood is knowing that Buck can put him in a bad mood. 

It doesn't make sense, does it? Eddie doesn't really get it either. He just... knows he's pissed off by his presence. And he's not even here yet. 

"Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, Eddie? What are you so irritable about?" Hen ask when he struggles with a bottle of wine that won't open. 

Eddie doesn't even look at her when he grunts in his beard. 

"I'm not irritated."

"Are you kidding, man? You've got a sign on your forehead that says 'fuck you'." Chimney steps in. 

Eddie looks up before giving him a forced smile that lasts only a second, disappearing as soon as his attention returns to the corkscrew stuck in the bottle cap. 

"Don't keep this expression for too long because I think someone might be interested in this sign..."

"Okay, so you're never going to stop with that?" He gets annoyed when he leaves the bottle, slapping his hands on the edge of the counter. 

Seeing Hen and Chimney's smirk doesn't help him calm down. 

"Sorry, but it's not every day someone makes you blush." Hen says, looking like nothing, sipping her beer from the neck of the bottle. 

"I didn't--" He exclaims and then interrupts, noticing the heavy gaze his two colleagues are exchanging and then takes up again, lower down; "I didn't blush."

"Oh yes, I can attest to that. And Bobby too. Isn't that right, Bobby?" Chimney attracts the captain's attention. 

"I'm not getting involved." Bobby tells them from the kitchen, wiping the dishes while Athena washes them. 

"Pff... Chicken." Whispers Hen and Athena throws a warning glance over his shoulder. 

Hen answers her with a flying kiss. 

"Yeah, well, that's okay. I know what I saw. Seriously, man, what did he say to get you in such a state?"

_He offered to give me a blow job._

And really, the words are on the edge of his tongue. But, even though he's an asshole, he's Maddie's brother. So... Eddie's not saying anything. And that only makes them more supportive. 

"You're never gonna get it open if you don't push it in far enough, Eddie."

And no, really, this is too much. 

"Damn it, Chimney, if you even mention anything like that again, I swear to God..."

"Dude, I didn't say anything!" Chimney exclaims. 

And they all look so confused, Eddie feels like an idiot. 

Shit, the guy's already rubbed off on him for suddenly having such a twisted mind... 

"But what did she do to you, this bottle? Why are you picking on her?" Hen gets annoyed.

"I'm not picking on her!" He says before he realizes that he pushed the corkscrew all the way in and that it is now definitely stuck. "And then why do we have... straw wine first? None of us drink that."

"Buck drinks it." Chimney answers at once, innocent. 

"Of course he does!" Eddie gets carried away before he abandons the bottle and leaves the kitchen. 

"Leave the poor boy alone." Athena reprimands them as she watches Eddie go out into the garden to help May and Harry set the tables.

"But... I didn't say anything." Chimney defends himself, incredulous. 

Athena rolls her eyes then resumes her activity. When she's certain that the two snoopers are too busy with their phones to listen to her, she leans over Bobby and whispers; 

"Eddie blushed?"

"Oh yes, he did. And not just a little." Snorts Bobby.

Minutes pass and the rest of the guests arrive soon. Michael arrives with dessert, just before Buck and Maddie arrive and their arrival, well, their arrival gets noticed. 

They get out of the car, walk up the driveway to the front door and everyone can already hear them bickering from the garden. 

"I'm telling you it was shorter." Buck gets annoyed. 

Maddie sighs her soul out in exasperation. 

"And I'm telling you it was longer." She retorts by ringing the doorbell. 

"Hey, just accept that you're wrong, okay? University goes back less far for me than for you, so trust my memory and believe me when I tell you it was shorter!" 

Athena opens the door with a hand on her hip, an arched eyebrow and an amused smile. 

"What's this all about?" 

Maddie rolls her eyes. 

"Nothing. Just Buck refusing to admit that he hasn't broken any records because the race was half as short as it was then." Maddie explains, then she offers a hug to Athena. 

Chimney ran the video in their group chat so, obviously, it's no longer a secret for anyone. Well, except for Buck. 

So he feels compelled to explain; 

"This is a race to--" 

"Oh, I'm aware of that. Chimney told us, and we saw the video." Athena interrupts him by letting them in. 

She is surprised when Buck quickly takes her in his arms, as his sister did a few moments ago, and even more surprised that such a big, strong man could be able to give such a soft, light embrace. She is almost tenderized by it. 

"Uh... what video?" Buck asks, confusedly, before releasing her. 

Athena explains to him just as Chimney arrives to kiss his sister. Buck gives him a sideways glance, looking betrayed, and Chimney grins. 

"Sorry, man, I couldn't pass up this opportunity." He apologizes. 

"So you're the kind of guy who does backstabbing, huh?" Buck squints. "I'm gonna have to get my revenge now."

Chimney giggles as he hugs him. 

"It's willingly, I guess." He says before giving way to Hen, who almost pushes him away so she can say hello to the Buckleys. 

"I must say it was impressive. You know how to catch girls." She says, and Buck shrugs his shoulders.

"Ahh, yeah... That was for a good cause." He defends himself by laughing. 

He doesn't notice the annoyed look Eddie gives Hen. 

They disperse a little and Eddie's turn comes. 

Buck has promised to leave the guy alone. He's Maddie's friend, he's a widower, he's not interested and he won't make him feel any more uncomfortable than he already has. The rule is simple; no eye contact, no smiling, no flirting, no sexual advance. Just politeness and sympathy. 

But... Eddie is an attractive man. Really attractive. 

And it's really hard to resist. 

So to prevent himself from throwing his resolution out the window, well, he avoids letting his gaze wander as much as possible. 

Eddie does everything he can not to look too embittered. He's Maddie's brother, he can at least make an effort to look polite.

He is expecting a steady gaze, a smile, or an inappropriate remark, but... No. In fact, the guy barely dares cross his eyes. 

And Eddie really doesn't know why he's disappointed. 

"Hey." He finally goes for it, because the silence becomes awkward. 

It seems to unfroze Buck, because he finally meets his eyes and he almost looks... nervous. 

"Hey. I wanted to apologize for... the last time. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, so, um, sorry." 

Well, there you go. Now he can walk away. 

He _has_ to walk away. 

Their conversation, if you can call it that, was discreet, but it didn't go unnoticed by anyone. Especially not for Maddie, even though she didn't say anything. 

Eddie exchanges a questioning look with Chimney, who responds by innocently raising his hands, as if to say; I didn't say anything, I didn't do anything. 

Eddie doesn't know what prompted Buck to apologize, but it doesn't seem to come from either of them. 

Buck hastens to greet the remaining guests. He is delighted to meet Michael, May and Harry and admires the close relationship that Bobby and Michael seem to have. 

Buck understands why Maddie is happy here. These people are the very definition of love, acceptance and union. A real family, like they've never known. 

Eddie is in the bathroom when the doorbell rings. 

Buck is busy barbecuing meat with Bobby and Michael and naturally, he devotes himself to going to open the door. 

He comes across an older woman and a little boy with blonde curls. 

He smiles; it reminds him of his own as a child. Maddie loved them, she had always forbidden him to cut them.

When Eddie returns and sees Buck open the door for his Abuela and son, he stop breathing.

If he wasn't frozen on his feet by apprehension, he probably would have run to them by now. 

Because, you know, Eddie made a simple conclusion; Buck is a tease, a bully, and an asshole so he's bound to be an asshole with kids. 

He doesn't really know how it came to him, but in his mind, it all makes perfect sense. 

Or maybe he's just trying to find an excuse to hate the guy, other than the fact that he saw him with that girl? It doesn't really matter...

He swears that if this guy acts like an asshole with _his_ kid, he'll kick his ass, whether he's Maddie's brother or not. 

Yet he stays where he is, spying on their conversation, and if he saw himself, he would probably think he's being ridiculous...

Buck looks at the boy staring at him with a hint of suspicion and already finds him adorable.

"Hello. I don't know you." The boy points out and Buck laughs, waving them in.

"No, you don't. My name is Evan but everyone calls me Buck. I'm Maddie's brother." He introduces himself by stooping down to be up to his level.

"My name is Christopher, but everyone calls me Chris. And that's my daddy's Abuela. It means grandma." He says, raising his head to point to the woman.

Buck shakes his head and looks up at the woman in disbelief. 

"You mean this beautiful woman right here is your great-grandmother? I don't believe you. She's far too young." 

The woman laughs and sweeps away his flattery with a wave of her hand. 

Buck notices Christopher's crutches, one green and one blue. 

"Those are really cool crutches." 

"Yeah, they're special." Christopher smiles with a touch of pride.

Buck nods and squints. 

"I see... That's your secret weapon, isn't it?" He whispers.

"My secret weapon?" Repeat Chris, tilting his head to the side. 

"Yeah, you know, like superheroes. They all have one. Like, uh... V-Men and his claws or Superman and his cape." 

Christopher throws his head back when he bursts out laughing. 

"It's X-men, not V-men!" He laughs nicely. 

"Oh yeah, that sounds better, you're right." Buck responds with a smile. "Well, what makes them special?" 

Christopher rests his arm on the crutch and puts one hand to the side of his mouth as if he's going to tell him a huge secret. 

"They send out laser beams." 

Buck raises his hands and steps back a little. 

"Oh, I know not to bother you then!" He laughs.

Christopher tilts his head to the side as he inspects Buck's face, intrigued by the bruise on his nose and the one near his eye. 

"How did you hurt yourself?" He asks, curious. 

"Well, this one's my birthmark." He explains by touching it. "And this, here, it is a bad guy who did it to me. You know, these are things that happen when you're a superhero." He continues by tapping his nose, which is much less painful now. 

"Yeah, Dad gets hurt sometimes too. Even if it's the strongest." 

Buck smiles affectionately, before he asks; 

"And tell me, who's your daddy?" 

"It's Eddie." Answers the woman, who's been watching them with a tender expression since earlier. "Isabela." She then introduces herself, reaching out her hand. 

"Oh yes, I should have known. Such a cute child could only be his." Buck smiles as he stands up, ruffling Chris's hair who groaned a bit, before grasping Isabela's hand between his owns. "Now I know where he gets his charm from... Isabela, it's a pleasure to meet you." 

"You're going to make me blush if you keep this up." Isabela jokes. 

Buck replied with a radiant smile. 

Eddie does his best to ignore what it does to him to see his son imitate his smile. Just as he ignores the warmth that radiates in him when he finds that Buck is kind and gentle to his son and is responsible for his cheerful expression.

He can't think about it, not right now.

So he decides to show himself as if he has just arrived, kissing his Abuela and running a hand through his son's hair, who cheers him on his arrival. 

He crosses Buck's eyes for a second, before Buck turns away. 

"Este joven es realmente encantador. Me gusta." Abuela says to him as she glances at Buck. 

Eddie rolls his eyes. Of course she likes him, too. But he can't really blame her. 

Yet he doesn't think about it when he answers her. He's not even sure what he's saying until he hears the words coming out of his own mouth with a bitterness that surprises him. 

"Habría dicho libertino. O lascivo." 

Isabela gives him a pat on the shoulder and yes, without a doubt he deserves it. 

They are both astonished and confused to hear Buck give a slight laugh. 

When Eddie looks at him, he catches him thoughtfully touching his birthmark. 

And it shouldn't be that sexy. Especially not when Buck looks at him - finnaly - with what seems to be a mixture of resignation and resentment. 

"Supongo que me lo gané, este." He declares by plunging his hands into his jeans pockets.

 _Shit._

Eddie opens his mouth to say something, but Buck already apologizes to his son and Abuela and then heads back to the garden, taking his place at the barbecue. 

_Argentina..._ Of course. He should have thought of that. What a jerk. 

"Daddy! Buck told me I was a superhero!" Christopher exclaims, resting his chin on his belly to demand his attention. 

Eddie looks down on his son and laughs as he sees his enthusiasm. 

"Of course you are!" He smiles before hugging him, trying to ignore the wound he thought he saw in Buck's eyes. 

Karen finally arrives with Denny and the barbeque goes off in the general good mood, as always. 

But Eddie is well aware that Buck looks at him when he thinks he doesn't see him and spends the rest of the time avoiding him. 

And that pisses him off. 

Yes, he's a mess of contradiction. 

But he feels like a jerk. Because he judged him too quickly and he was hurtful and that was never his style. Neither judging nor hurting. His Abuela didn't hesitate to lecture him on that as soon as Buck left the room, by the way. 

Buck is a nice, friendly guy. And if he feels like flirting and fucking around, he's allowed to. And he shouldn't be judged for it. And besides... With a body like his and his pretty face, he must be coveted by a lot of people. He's probably right to take advantage of it. 

And he's not against the idea of Buck taking advantage of him... 

The moment this thought immerses his mind, he thinks of nothing else. 

His gaze lingers on him more insistently and he waits patiently for the opportunity to present itself, for Buck to be alone and apart so that he can talk to him. But it never comes and Eddie begins to lose his patience. He's never been good at waiting. 

So when Denny's hands full of ketchup accidentally crash into Buck's shirt, Eddie refrains from hugging the kid. 

Buck tries to wipe the ketchup stain off his shirt with a damp cloth.

He turns around when he hears the bathroom door close. 

He is surprised to see Eddie, but also nervous. Because he felt his gaze on him almost all through the meal, that he did his best to avoid it and now he's here, and he can't escape.

And when Buck is nervous, he talks. A lot. And for nothing, most of the time. This time he's about to apologize again. What's that all about? He doesn't really know. Once was more than enough. Probably even too much considering the way Eddie spoke to his Abuela about him.

But it's surely because Eddie has dark eyes and almost looks like a guy who's ready to kick his ass. 

He doesn't even know why he's so nervous. If Eddie wanted to punch him, well, he wouldn't be thrilled, but he has already fought against taller, bigger, and stronger than him.

But Eddie comes closer and Buck feels compelled to talk. 

"Well, Eddie, good thing you're here--"

"Really?" Eddie interrupts him, arching an eyebrow. "Cause I got the impression you were avoiding me." 

He had planned to apologize, but apparently his crumpled ego for being so easily ignored disagrees...

Buck laughs nervously. 

"Me? Avoiding you? That's silly. Why would I do that?" 

Eddie shrugs his shoulders. 

"I don't know. You tell me."

Buck swallows. 

_Make an excuse. Make an excuse. Make an excuse._

He's usually good at lying... Why isn't anything coming? 

Eddie comes forward again, looking pretty determined and his tongue finally loosens. 

"Actually, I just didn't want to make you feel uncomf-- _Hummm..._ " The end of his sentence dies at the back of his throat when Eddie rushes over and puts his lips on his.

And... Buck's on autopilot. 

He closes his eyes, mesmerized by the softness of Eddie's lips and electrified by the roughness of his beard against his chin. 

Eddie's hand covers his cheek and a pressure on his chin makes him open his mouth. And before he even knows what's happening, Eddie's tongue is in his mouth and-- _Oh God_ , Eddie stuffs his tongue in his mouth. 

Can he go back and understand how he got there? 

His confusion evaporates as soon as Eddie slips his free hand under his t-shirt to stroke his waist and leans his pelvis against his own. The edge of the sink exerts a nasty pressure on his lower back and his bruises, but all he can think about is that tongue searching his mouth, playing with his own, licking his lips and that firm but strangely delicate grip on his jaw and that muscular body firmly pressed against his and-- _Oh, fuck..._ The pitiful moan he just heard was his own, wasn't it? 

When Eddie moves a few inches away, keeping his hand on his cheek, Buck discovers that he badly needed air. His chest rises and falls rapidly and he feels as if he is in some kind of thick fog. Disoriented and... floating. 

Eddie stares at him so intensely that Buck feels very small. He doesn't say anything for a while and he doesn't say anything either, because, well, he doesn't trust his own voice at the moment.

Then Eddie smiles. A smile full of innuendo and promise. 

"That answers your question, doesn't it?" He says, softly. And his smooth voice, like the implication of his words, makes Buck even more giddy.

In the dark glow of his eyes, Buck sees a tinkling of fun and mischief. As if Eddie is proud and pleased to see him like this, to make him feel like this.

"But first, we're going to get tested. Because you have to... What did you say again? Show me how good you are at swallowing?" Eddie reminds him, and subconsciously, Buck swallows. "And when that happens... You can imagine that there should be no hindrance between my dick... and your pretty little mouth."

Eddie's gaze drops from his eyes and falls on his mouth as he slides his thumb over his lower lip. Buck only realizes his mouth is half-open when he feels his finger pressed against his teeth. And because Buck is too far -really really far- his first reflex is to close his lips around the finger. 

Then suddenly Eddie leaves him and gives him an arrogant smile. 

"Good boy." He teases by tapping his cheek lightly, before turning his heels and leaving the bathroom. 

Leaving Buck, confused and panting and speechless and-- _oh fuck_ , horny as hell. 

_Fuck, fuck, fuck._

Suddenly, the ketchup stain is the least of his problems.

Buck goes around in circles for a little while, looking for a way to... get himself down. 

No matter how hard he tries to think about sad or horrible things, nothing works and the pressure of the jeans against his erection is getting more and more painful. 

So much that he has to sit on the edge of the bathtub and press one hand on his bad leg, at the level of his scar. 

The pain radiates throughout his leg and he grimaces as he clenches his teeth. 

When he looks down, he is relieved to see that all traces of excitement have disappeared. 

_What the fuck was that?_

When Eddie discreetly joins the garden, no one seems to have noticed that he's gone. 

He's still surprised by the way he acted. He's never been one for... teasing or talking dirty, but it seems that Buck makes him do, say and think a lot of things he never thought he would do, say or think. 

He's so caught up in his thoughts that he almost jumps when Maddie suddenly materializes next to him. 

"What did you do to my brother?" 

Eddie freezes and stares at her in amazement. There's probably the word "guilty" flashing on his forehead right now. 

How could she know? 

He opens his mouth and is probably about to say something stupid when Maddie cuts him off; 

"This is the first time in my life I've ever heard the word 'sorry' come out of my brother's mouth." Maddie tells him with a mixture of fascination and wonder. 

Eddie doesn't know how to respond to that. 

Then Athena calls Maddie from the kitchen and he thanks heaven because the silence was starting to get awkward. 

Maddie nods her head towards Athena and then turns her attention back to Eddie. 

"I don't know what you did exactly, but I agree with Hen when she says you're messing his mind." She says with an amused smile before planting him there to join Athena. 

Oh. Well, he guess it's good to know because Buck messing with his mind, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Traduction : 
> 
> -"This young man is really charming. I like him." 
> 
> -"I would have said debauched. Or obscene."
> 
> -"I guess I deserved that one."


	5. A lot of questions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He was late but he's here! 😬 
> 
> A small fraternal discussion, still a little -a lot- of clumsiness and always the same ego problem... 🙄 
> 
> Can't wait to share with you the next one where these two will finally confront each other and act once and for all! 😏 
> 
> Have a good reading! 🖤 
> 
> Kisses on all of you! 💋

Eddie would like to understand how he got there. 

And no matter how hard he looks, he really doesn't find it. 

Almost two weeks and... nothing. Radio silence. 

He's not quite sure what's going on, but it's bothering him. 

Patience has never been his strong suit and it looks like Buck knows it and is having fun playing it. 

That's the only reason that could explain this situation. 

Eddie recalls the dinner at Athena and Bobby's house for the umpteenth time. 

After the little incident in the bathroom, they didn't speak again during the rest of the meal. 

Buck seemed to avoid it perhaps even more than before - if that was possible - and Eddie blamed it on what had happened. He had figured that, like him, Buck was doing his best not to look at him and think about what they had done and what they were going to do and so avoid reacting in any way while they were in public. Because, Eddie really loves them all as much as they are, but his friends are real hawks. One look, one blush... and they would have immediately drawn conclusions. And Hen and Chimney bothered him enough as it was, he didn't need to give them anything more to yaketter about. Anyway, he thought that's what Buck, like him, wanted to avoid. 

So he didn't question it at the time. 

And at the end of the meal, he slipped his number scribbled on a piece of paper in his jacket pocket and slipped something like 'contact me when you get the results' in his ear. 

Buck didn't answer, but again, Eddie thought it was to avoid being overheard, attracting attention, or arousing suspicion. 

But now, after two weeks, he's starting to seriously question himself. 

It is clear that Buck still wanted to sleep with him given the way he reacted when he kissed him.

And it's clear that he didn't do anything wrong because Buck didn't push him away. Quite the contrary. 

Yet it's also very clear that Buck is ghosting him. 

And he can't figure out why. 

Eddie went for testing and received the results just a few days later. It was always pretty fast. He wasn't surprised when he saw that he was clean. He had hardly had sex since Shannon and had been tested before and after. So if he had done it, it was just to have something to show Buck. After all, he didn't have to take his word for it. And he didn't want Buck to take it as an insult, so... Yes, presumably, he did do the right thing. 

And presumably, there's no reason for Buck to avoid it. 

But there is. 

Buck hasn't stopped thinking. It's even kept him awake for a lot of nights and yet his mattress is damn comfortable. 

He hasn't stopped thinking about dinner. And he still can't figure it out. 

Why did Eddie do this? Why did he kiss him? 

He's had a lot of partners. Like, really a lot. But he was never the kissing type. Not like _that_. Or maybe it was his partners who weren't? Anyway, he never complained about it. He never saw them again, he never slept with the same person twice. To avoid any misunderstandings. And he didn't linger on tender gestures or gentle caresses, just as they didn't either. He didn't see the point. 

For him, this kind of thing - and especially kissing - has always been something reserved for couples. When there is love, a real emotional bond or a real interest in the other. 

But certainly not when it's a one-night stand and there's no attachment. When they're doing nothing but fucking. Who would want to dwell on that when they want nothing more than a quick and meaningless fuck? 

It doesn't make sense. 

Yet Eddie did it. He kissed him. He touched him. In a way that no one else has ever done and like it was normal. 

But it's not. 

And then he talked about getting tested. 

And again, that was new. 

He always used a condom, whether he was with a man or a woman and whether he was under or over. But for blowjobs? Well, no, he didn't. And it wasn't intentional. Sometimes they wasn't given him time to think about it, sometimes he was too excited or hurry to think about it and no one had ever stopped him. 

The fact that he never thought about it made him feel foolish. Especially for something so obvious. 

So he took a while before he went to get tested because he was too fucking scared to get the results. 

When he finally did it, he thought it was really... horrible. And humiliating.

Yet he's not the type to be ashamed of anything. 

But all these intimate matters and the feeling of being judged really made it all intrusive and degrading. 

But maybe it was because he felt stupid and ashamed himself for not using a condom when he should have. 

When he received the results just a few days later, well, he couldn't look at them right away. 

And when he finally did and found out he was clean, he was probably never so relieved in his entire life. And honestly, he even started to think it was a miracle. 

But now, what is he supposed to do? 

Text Eddie and say, "Hey, thank God I'm clean, when are we going to fuck?" when it took him almost two weeks to take the damn tests? 

And... Well, Buck was never one to worry about how to break news. Subtlety and tact were never his strong suit either. Besides, after what they'd said to each other, there was no point in beating around the bush. 

So yes, that's exactly what he decides to do when he takes out his phone. 

He looks at the piece of paper and thinks to himself that this too is new. To have the number of one of those one-night stands. 

He shrugs his shoulders for himself. He's already taken enough trouble, there's no need to add more. 

He makes sure Maddie isn't around and when he sees her busy ordering upwind from one of the waiters at the coffee counter, he quickly adds Eddie's number to his contacts. However, he leaves the contact without a name; he is never safe from prying eyes. 

He doesn't think any longer before writing ; 

_Clean. Where and when?_  
**Dlvr 4:52 pm**

Then he drags the screenshot of his results that he received this morning by email and sends the message. 

He does not specify that it is him. After all, he hopes the guy isn't waiting for this kind of message from someone else. 

When Eddie receives the message, he raises his eyebrows in surprise. 

The guy couldn't make it any more... weird. 

Are they really making an appointment to have sex? 

He shakes his head and sends him a screenshot of his own results first. He hesitates for a moment about what he should say next. Acting as if nothing happened? He thinks they've wasted enough time as it is and that he should get straight to the point, as Buck just did... But he also can't stand the idea of being ignored once again and pretending that he can just come back to him whenever he wants. 

That's why he says; 

_Just like that, huh?_  
**Dlvr 4:59pm**

Buck sighs but in spite of himself, there is an amused smile stretching his lips. 

_Oh sorry, you want me to make things a little less formal? Are you the type to like being seduced maybe? Let me try again then_  
**Dlvr 5:01pm**

_I'm clean! When are we going to see each other because I can't wait to feel you fucking my mouth. I hope you do too._  
**Dlvr 5:01pm**

_Better?_  
**Dlvr 5:02pm**

Eddie doesn't fall for it this time. He swallows the water in his mouth after reading the first message because he knows that the second one is going to be tough. And he did well, because, damn it, is that what he calls _seduction_? 

But he smiles because, yes, he thought about it. Probably more than he should have. 

And yet he gets the opposite answer to what he would have wanted to say. 

_Oh you're hurry now? You're the one who kept us waiting_  
**Dlvr 5:04pm**

_Quite busy_  
**Dlvr 5:04pm**

_But you had my number you could have told me that before_  
**Dlvr 5:04pm**

So that I don't have to wait like an idiot, he prevents himself from adding. 

Buck sighs again, irritated. He looks up to see that Maddie is still at the counter and that she's paying for their order. 

_Oh sorry, I didn't know I was accountable to my booty calls now._  
**Dlvr 5:05pm**

Eddie holds back the insult that burns the tip of his tongue and shakes his head. He shouldn't be as upset that this guy implies he has several such plans. He shouldn't let him upset him that easily. 

But he is. 

_Do you have time for me between two others in your schedule?_  
**Dlvr 5:05pm**

_The desire has passed me by. You'll have to find someone else, I pass my turn. Too bad for you_  
**Dlvr 5:05pm**

And really, Eddie wants to smash his ego into a thousand pieces on the floor and trample on it to make sure he doesn't bother anyone else. 

Because the only thing he's managed to do is miss out on... something that was looking good. 

_Congratulations Diaz, you waited two weeks for this and ruined it in just five minutes._

He closes his eyes and curses himself inside. He hesitates for a moment, his fingers hovering over his keyboard. He finally locks his phone and slips it into the pocket of his uniform pants. He doesn't see what he could say to fix it anyway. 

When he falls on the sofa in the barracks loft, Hen immediately hands him a controller. 

He grabs it. 

If at least it can take his mind off it and make him forget how badly he's screwed up, he doesn't say no. 

Buck observes the conversation for a moment, not knowing why he's still waiting for a response to his message that clearly ends the discussion. 

"What's that?" Maddie asks. 

He almost jumps up and looks up at her as she gestures with her chin at his phone. 

Buck smiles as he grabs the smoothie she holds out to him with his free hand and slips his phone into his jacket pocket with the other hand. 

"Nothing important." He simply says before he stands up. "So, shall we take that ride?"

Maddie responds with a huge smile and they both come out of the coffee shop before they slowly start walking away. 

With work and his life as a couple with Chimney, he and Maddie hadn't really had time for just the two of them. 

Maddie took a day off to give him a tour of the city -even though he's been exploring it a little on his own since he arrived- and to show him some of his favorite places.

They walk for hours, Maddie introduces him to her favorite coffee shop, a quiet trail where she likes to jog when she has time, a bar where the 118 usually meets and two of her favorite restaurants. Buck takes the opportunity to show her the hotel where he is staying and give her a quick tour of his room, so that she can finally be completely reassured. 

"Oh my God! You want to take my place and go live with Chimney? Because I could give up everything for one night in this bed!" Maddie exclaims as she lies down on the bed and enjoys the comfort of the mattress. 

Then she stands up on her elbows, looking alarmed. 

"Please reassure me and tell me that I'm not sitting on something that has welcomed an other ass than yours." 

Buck laughs, shaking his head. 

"You can lay back. I didn't bring anyone here. I swear." He reassures her. 

Maddie breathes a sigh of relief and lets herself fall back on the mattress. 

Buck watches her for a few seconds, a tender smile stretches his lips before he comes to lie down beside her. 

They gaze at the ceiling for a moment in restful silence. They both smile, remembering the evenings they used to spend lying on the bed, talking for hours. Except that they could lie across the bed and they were still too small for their legs to stick out of the bed. Maddie used to call it their night of confidences. 

They didn't talk for a while, until Maddie saw of the corner of her eye, Buck biting inside of his cheek.

She's about to ask him what's obviously bothering him, but Buck gets ahead of her. 

"You know, I'm really glad you found someone who can make you really happy. You deserve it so much." He almost whispers. 

Maddie has a slight frown, but she keeps her eyes on the ceiling. Buck always found it easier to talk when no one was looking at him. She assumes that hasn't changed. 

"I am too. Chimney is perfect. To my eyes, anyway." 

Buck laughs a little and Maddie smiles. 

"Does he know about Doug?" He ends up asking, crossing his hands on his stomach. 

Maddie feels uneasiness settling at the notion of her ex-husband. Not because she doesn't want to talk about it, because today she can talk about it more easily than before, without break down, thanks to the therapy, her friends and family who have been there for her in every moment. Rather, it's because she hasn't been completely honest with Buck and she doesn't want to lie to him. She doesn't feel entirely guilty because she didn't lie to him openly, she just didn't call him when Doug came back to town to pick her up. It's not a lie not to tell the smallest details of her life, isn't it? 

When Buck gives her a gentle blow with his elbow, she realizes she's probably been silent for too long. 

"Yes, he knows. In fact... They all do." She confesses, hesitant. 

"Oh." That's all Buck says for a while, and Maddie's worried he might feel left out. 

Then he speaks again, and Maddie recognizes her brother's pure heart; 

"I'm glad you were able to tell other people about this. And I'm glad those people supported you when I couldn't be there to do it." 

"You've always been there, Buck. The fact that you're thousands of miles away doesn't change the fact that you're always there in my heart. Do you know that it was you who gave me the courage to leave?" 

"Did I?" Surprised Buck, trying to ignore his heart beating happily in his chest. 

Maddie smiles and nods. 

"Yes. I had this postcard of you in Argentina on the fridge. I thought about how you left home with nothing but your desire to live a better life and I found the courage to leave too." 

Buck doesn't try to chase away or hide the one tear that slips from his temple. He swallows to get the lump down his throat. 

_A better life._

That's all he wanted at the time. It seems so far away to him. Sometimes he wonders how he got there. 

"I don't know what I could do if I ever saw him." He whispers.

Maddie holds her breath for a moment. She opens her mouth and then closes it again, ready to tell him it's not going to happen because Doug is dead. The words are on the tip of her tongue, but she can't pronounce them. 

Then Buck opens his mouth again and after that, Maddie doesn't feel like she can tell him the truth at all. 

"I'm sorry."

She doesn't have time to ask why because Buck takes a gentle breath and goes; 

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry that I didn't know how to be the good brother that I should have been and that you deserved. I was so preoccupied with running away from Dad that I didn't notice that you needed me."

"No, Buck... No." She hastens to say, straightening up on her forearm so she can face her brother. 

His words grieve her and she knows without a doubt that Buck would make himself sick if he ever found out how far Doug has gone. And she can't bring herself to do that to him. Not when it seems like he already has other things on his mind. 

She waits until Buck's eyes meet hers to continue; 

"You aren't responsible for what Doug did. And there was nothing you could have done to help me, because I wasn't ready to accept and face reality anyway. You've always been a good brother, Buck. Don't ever doubt that." 

Maddie smiles and they both stand up when Buck wants to hug her. 

"I love you." He whispers, with a slight smile. 

"I love you too, little bro'." Maddie answers him before they break up. 

And they leave the hotel and walk away with a sense of peace that can't be whole, because neither of them can get rid of the guilt of not being completely honest.


	6. Ridiculously cute

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Really sorry for the wait. ☹
> 
> I think I'm going to expand my publication schedule to two weeks. It's always possible that I may publish earlier if I'm on time or ahead of schedule. 
> 
> ⚠️ Anyway, here it is; the first chapter where the "E" ranking come into play. It is also much longer than usual. 😏 
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading it and see you soon! 🖤
> 
> Kisses on all of you! 💋

Buck understands why the 118 come to relax in this bar after work. 

It's a great place. 

There's a dance floor where a lot of people go wild, lit by multicolored neon lights but it's pretty dark.   
And a little further away and a little higher up, a space with tables and velvet benches, where the atmosphere is warmer and the music is not so loud. 

He was thrilled when Maddie sent him a message saying that they were meeting here this friday and that he was welcome. Chimney also insisted that he come. He had no reason to say no. 

He arrived earlier than the rest of 118. Maddie and Athena arrived just after him but he had already ordered one drink and sat down with them to order a second one. 

When the 118 arrived a little later, he was already on the dance floor and after he had shared his dancing skills with Maddie and even Athena, he shared them with someone else. 

When Eddie heard that Buck was joining them at the bar, he wasn't particularly thrilled. He hadn't yet accepted the fiasco of their last discussion. Fiasco for which he was entirely responsible. 

Then he thought it would be a good opportunity to apologize and get off on the right foot. 

But then, when he barely settled down at the table that Maddie and Athena were already occupying with the rest of the 118 and his eyes drifted across the dance floor to find Buck dancing glued together with a girl to some catchy Spanish music, well, it kind of ruined his desire to apologize. 

The fact that Buck is a great dancer didn't help either. It would be easier to hate him if he didn't feel like grabbing his goddamn hips that move so damn well. 

And then Buck joined them and he greeted everyone, chatted happily with everyone. Athena complimented his dancing skills and Bobby joked that maybe he should be jealous. Karen and Hen hinted at the girl he danced with and who always watches him from the dance floor. Even Chimney and Maddie teased him about it. 

And he was there in his corner, trying his best not to sulk.

Then he pulled himself together. Convinced himself that Buck had the right to ignore it. And that it was up to him to make the first move. 

Only he did, while everyone was busy talking, ordering drinks at the bar or dancing, he called out to Buck, who was probably on his way to the bathroom, gently grabbing his arm. But he got a black look and a "get out" spat to his face. 

And now he finds himself staring at where Buck was a minute ago. 

He blinks several times. 

He thought that Buck ignored him because he wanted nothing more to do with him, that he was indifferent to him. But apparently he's angry with him and mad at him. And he can't let that go. He needs to explain himself and... Well, to apologize, too, if he has to. 

So he follows Buck who was actually heading to the bathroom and locks the door behind him after he goes in. 

Luckily, they are alone. 

Buck turns around and sighs deeply when he sees him. 

"Leave me alone." He grunts as he tries to get to the door, but Eddie blocks the passage.

"Hold on, I just want to talk to you." He rushes to tell him. 

Buck frowns in an angry, upset expression. 

Eddie was right. He's really mad at him. 

"It's not really my thing to talk." Buck scoffs scornfully and tries to reach the door again. 

And again, Eddie steps in. 

"What the fuck do you want?" Buck grows impatient, raising his voice. 

Eddie frowns, wondering. He doesn't quite understand why the guy is so mad at him. 

"I don't understand why you're so upset." He ends up declaring. 

"You kissed me!" Buck breaks down and he paces around, running a frustrated hand through his hair. 

And it's probably the booze that makes him talkative and less on the reservation, because he hadn't planned to tell him that. 

"Wait a minute... Is that what this is about?" Eddie asks, incredulous. 

He thought it was for the messages. But _this_? Blaming him for kissing him when he's been hitting on him all the time, that's not fair. 

"You didn't have to do that!" Buck yells. 

"I didn't have to... Are you fucking kidding me? You've been hitting on me since the day we met." Eddie's getting carried away now, too.

"Yeah, to get laid!" 

"Yeah... and that's usually how it starts." 

Buck opens his mouth and closes it a few times, a slight crease between his eyebrows, more confused than angry now. 

Eddie watches him with his head slightly tilted, his eyebrows furrowed to the extreme, trying to figure out what's going on in his head. 

Buck shakes his head, as if he is trying to extricate himself from his thoughts. 

"Whatever." He grunts in his teeth. 

Eddie squints. It's obvious that something is going on that he doesn't know about, but he chooses not to push it. If the guy doesn't want to talk, he's not going to force him. But nothing prevents him from bringing up the subject later, just to satisfy his curiosity. But later. Because Eddie has a hunch that insisting now would only push him away and scowl at him more. 

Eddie shakes his head and chases away his confusion and questions. 

For once, he's going to stick to what he had planned. 

"Listen... I just wanted to apologize for the... offensive things I said to you. And... I'm sorry I kissed you. Obviously, that wasn't what you wanted. I just felt like you wanted it, too. I mean, anyway, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... push you or anything." 

Buck's blocking. 

Because, you see, it's not the first time - far from it - that someone's said something to him that was offensive, inappropriate, or even downright mean, and it's not the first time that someone's done something to him that he wasn't very excited about in the first place, but... It is the first time someone apologizes or seems to care that they have crossed the line. 

Eddie almost feels uncomfortable, because Buck tilts his head slightly, says nothing, and seems to be watching him as if he were a strange creature he was trying to understand. 

And in reality, that's kind of what's going on in Buck's head at that moment. Because everything is new with Eddie. And Buck doesn't really know how to handle it. 

That's why he finds himself saying; 

"You still want me to blow you, don't you?" 

Eddie's getting a furious blush. He hopes the dark neon lights in the bathroom won't let him see it. 

He grinds a little, because the way Buck tells him all this makes him uncomfortable. Like it's a favor or even a chore and not like something they both really want. 

Then he ends up shaking his head quickly, because he knows what it looks like in Buck's head. 

Buck thinks he's apologizing, only for have a chance to get what he wants. 

"No!" He exclaims and then grins when he sees Buck's eyebrows raised in surprise and perhaps even disappointment. "Well, yes. But that's not why I told you all that. I meant it when I said I was sorry. I shouldn't have spoken to you the way I did." He clarifies. 

Buck looks at him for a little while longer, his lips wrinkled, before finally smiling a little. 

"You're sexy when you blush." 

_Damn neon lights._

Eddie rubs the back of his fingers against his cheek and the beginning of his beard and he decides to take his words as an opening. 

"I don't blush. It's just that it's hot in here." 

Buck smiles a little more, amused, before moving slowly towards him. 

"Oh, yeah? Am I making you hot? 'Cause..." Buck pauses when he's close to him and lets a finger slide down his chest, where the shirt reveals his tanned skin. "I could help you with that." 

Eddie does nothing to stop him when a button on his shirt pops off. He looks up at Buck at the same time Buck looks up at him. 

There is something that awakens, something that rumbles inside him when he sees Buck's blue eyes staring lustfully at him through his long eyelashes. Eddie feels it, it boils inside him, it makes him want to be impulsive, unbridled, wild. And he needs all his control not to rush him now.

He should be freaking out. Because Buck is a stranger and he seems to have some kind of power over him. The power to provoke reactions that he doesn't even understand. The power to bring out a side of himself that he didn't even think existed. 

That should freak him out. 

However... It doesn't. Because Buck seems to be looking forward to what Eddie could and would do to him. 

So, no, Eddie doesn't freak out and instead he smiles mischievously, getting closer to him. 

"Should I assume the offer still stands?" He asks, watching Buck pull back when he's close. 

Buck hits the wall behind him and swallows as he watches him. Eddie takes one last step and fills the remaining space between them. Their chests touch each other almost every time they take a breath. Eddie stares at these big blue eyes, shining with lust. Again, Buck swallows, before licking his lips. He doesn't miss Eddie's glance as he glides over them before returning to his eyes. 

"Because I really want to fuck you." Eddie confesses, in a low, hoarse voice. 

Buck moans. His throat is dry. He's already burning with excitement. Just with a few words. Just with a simple sentence. Just with their closeness. While Eddie doesn't even touch him. 

And he should be freaking out. Because in his whole life, he can't remember ever being this excited or attracted to anyone. Not like that. He knows he doesn't really have any boundaries, whether it's sex or his life in general. He never knows when it's too much. He never knows when to stop. He has pushed his limits so many times that today he doesn't know where they are. And now, with Eddie, he could do anything to him and... he'll let him do anything. He won't be able to say no. And that should freak him out. 

However... it doesn't. And he's not really interested in why. 

He just decides to play a little bit. 

"Fuck me? I don't remember saying that..." He says narrowing his eyes, as if he's thinking. 

"But do you want to?" Eddie attack immediately. 

Buck doesn't answer right away and Eddie smiles a little more when he understands his little game. Buck wants to play with his nerves, with his patience - which he doesn't have most of the time - to make him crack. And... He likes it. So he tries to do the same thing, and he's sure that Buck will give in before he does. 

He smiles a little more as he lays his hands flat against the wall on either side of his head and breaks eye contact when he leans over to his ear ; 

"Do you want me to fuck you?" He whispers, his lips touching the shell of his ear. 

Buck takes advantage of the fact that Eddie can't see him to close his eyes and try to keep a good figure. He lets out a trembling breath before gathering his thoughts. 

"Hm... I don't know. That girl seemed to want me. She offered to fuck behind the bar and she's really pretty. Maybe I should go to her. Don't you think so?" 

Buck feels more than he hear Eddie giggling against his ear. 

"You told me what you're good at... Don't you want to find out what _I'm_ good at? Aren't you curious what I could do to you? How good I can make you feel? Maybe I'm the kind of person who's slow to make you beg... Or maybe I'm the kind of person who's so hard you'll feel dizzy?" He retorts before he bites his earlobe. 

Eddie is too excited to be surprised by what comes out of his mouth and this sudden surge of confidence. 

Buck closes his eyes again and doesn't try to hold back the filthy moan that comes out of his mouth. 

Eddie had convinced him all along. He didn't even have to say all those things for Buck to accept. He just wanted to have a little fun with him first. Now he's just really in a hurry. 

"Show me." He responds by exhaling. 

Eddie doesn't hide his satisfied smile when he steps aside so he can look him in the eye again. 

He makes a slight gesture from his head to his lips.

"Can I kiss you now?" He makes sure to ask before he does it this time. 

He doesn't want to risk ruining everything now. 

Buck can feel his cheeks burning. He feels harder as he thinks back to Eddie's lips on his, his tongue against his, the tickle and sting of his beard on his skin. And yes, absolutely, he wants to feel that again. And he's so grateful that it's something Eddie wants too. Because he would give anything to kiss him again like he did last time. 

Eddie watches his cheeks turn red and his eyes get a little bigger and... he thinks he's cute. 

Ridiculously cute. 

He easily ignores how relieved he is when Buck nods sharply.

He moves closer, slowly closing his lips to his own, teasing the bottom one with his teeth, grunting when he hears Buck moaning against his mouth and grabbing his hips to get him closer. Eddie can feel Buck harden against his thigh and what little restraint he had left is gone. 

Buck almost sighs with happiness when Eddie speeds things up. When he feels that hand on his cheek again, that pressure on his chin that makes him open his mouth. When he feels his other hand reach down to his ribs and grab his hip, that strong grip that keeps him nailed to the wall. Then when he feels his tongue working its way to his own, to explore his mouth with greed. And he can't wait any longer.

Eddie picks himself up when the hands on his hips suddenly find themselves eagerly trying to undo his belt. 

He steps back, grabbing his wrists and when his eyes fall on Buck, he forgets for a moment why he wants to stop him. Buck looks at him with confusion, his blue, almost black eyes and swollen, red lips release a trembling breath. 

"What are you doing?" Buck ends up asking in a whisper and Eddie comes back to him. 

"We can't do this here." He responds by relaxing his wrists. 

"Why?" He asks in disbelief. 

"We're in the bathroom of a bar." 

"That's literally what they were created for!" Buck retorts before immediately attacking his belt. 

Eddie laughs a little but grabs his wrists again to stop him from going any further. He watches with amusement as Buck flips his head backwards and lets out an annoyed and plaintive sigh. It quickly turns into a hiccup of surprise and pleasure when Eddie closes his lips on his neck, licking and lightly biting the skin at his mercy, just below his ear. 

"But I want you for myself all night long." He breathes against his skin. 

Buck can't hold back the smirk on his lips at the thought of spending an entire night with Eddie. The thought of Eddie wanting to spend a whole night with him. 

"So what are we going to do? We can go to my--" 

"My home. I live nearby." Eddie cut it fast, because he can't wait any longer. 

He doesn't know where the hotel where Buck has a room is, but he's sure he can't be any closer to the bar than his house is. 

He kisses the skin where he bit him one last time before relaxing his wrists and taking a step away. 

Buck looks at him with at least as much envy and impatience as he does. 

"Is your car parked in the parking lot?" Ask Eddie. 

"I came by cab, actually." 

Eddie smirk and raises an eyebrow.

"You were planning to get all wiped out then. I'm not interrupting your plans?" 

Buck stretches out an arrogant smile. 

"Mostly I was planning on having someone drive me out of the hotel tonight." 

Eddie's smile disappears as Buk's smile gets bigger. 

_That bastard._

"Not too disappointed it's me?" Ask Eddie, and there's a hint of bitterness in his voice. 

"Better than I'd hoped for, if you must know." Buck answers simply by crossing his arms over his chest. 

Eddie feels his ego patching up. 

"My car is parked across the street. You can wait for me there. I'll meet you in ten minutes." 

Buck purses his lips and tilts his head. 

"You're not making a bad plan on me, are you?" 

Eddie's eyebrows stand up. Buck looks doubtful, so he guesses it's something that's already happened. 

"Of course not." He assures him. 

But Buck still looks reluctant, so Eddie thinks for a moment before putting his hand in his jeans pocket and pulling out his car keys. 

"Here you go." He says as he hands him the keys. "Wait for me inside. I'll make it quick." 

Buck accepts them with surprise and then raises a mocking eyebrow at the little blue man with his cape hanging from his keys. 

"Superman, huh?" Buck laughs gently. 

Eddie laughs, watching Buck play with the keychain. 

"Yeah... My boy. He, uh, forced my hand a little." 

"Forced your hand?" Buck asks, tilting his head. 

"Yeah, I hug him a little too much in front of his friends at school once and the next day he gave me this and made me promise to always have it with me. He knew I couldn't say no to him so... I guess he got his little revenge." 

"Cute. Funny. And smart. That's a nice kid you got there." Tease Buck and Eddie can feel his stomach turning over from hearing so many compliments about his son from someone who's only met him once. 

And he really doesn't know what to do about it. 

"He could have been crueler about the choice of keychain, though. It's--" 

Eddie doesn't let him finish. He grabs his face between his hands and dives into his mouth. He takes advantage of Buck's mouth being open in surprise to slip his tongue directly into it. He grabs his hips firmly and guides him to the sinks. When the backs of his legs hit the counter, Buck sits down immediately and Eddie is quick to slip between his legs. 

Eddie slides his hands up and down his thighs, thumbs inward, in a repetitive motion, and Buck moans and clings desperately to the collar of his shirt. The kiss becomes more frenetic and fierce and Eddie tries to keep up the rhythm that Buck imposes on him with some difficulty. 

When Buck's hand goes down between his legs and caresses him through his jeans, Eddie breaks their kiss and steps back. 

"No, not here." 

"Dude..." Buck sighs, out of breath, pressing his head against the wall behind him. "You can't play with me like that." 

"Sorry." Eddie laughs a little before squeezing a kiss against his throat. "We can go now."

Eddie goes out first and to make sure he doesn't change his mind and fuck Buck on the counter, he doesn't turn around once. 

He returns to their table, chats a little with Bobby and Athena as they quietly sip their drinks and subtly yawns to evoke his desire to go home. 

When Maddie and Chimney come back from the dance floor and drop down on the bench next to him, Buck comes back too and announces his departure. 

Maddie looks up at him in amazement. 

"Already?" 

Buck shrugs his shoulders with a smirk on his face. 

"Yeah. I've got other plans for tonight." 

Eddie stiffens up on the bench, quietly looking up at Buck.

He's not ashamed or anything, but he doesn't want them to know they're going home together tonight. He likes to have his privacy, or a semblance of privacy, and his friends are too curious and intrusive at times. 

But Buck doesn't look at him and he doesn't do anything to make it look like they're going to spend the rest of the night together. 

On the contrary. 

Buck looks up at the dance floor with a smirk on his face. 

The five follow his gaze just in time to catch a glimpse of the girl he danced with wink at him. 

Athena and Bobby exchange an amused look, Chimney giggles and Maddie looks at him with a soft reproving look. Eddie does his best not to appear annoyed. 

"Take care of yourself." Maddie ends up declaring.

"Oh, I intend to." He gives her a smile full of innuendo. 

Maddie rolls her eyes and Eddie gesticulates on the bench when Buck's eyes meet his own for a second. 

Then Buck greets them and finally heads for the exit. He waves to Hen and Karen who always dance, just before he walk out the door. 

The minutes that follow are the longest in their lives. For both of them. 

Bobby and Athena take their leave and Eddie imitates them a few minutes later. 

Once outside, he almost jogs to his car. He gets in and sits behind the wheel, meeting Buck's gaze, who immediately hands him the keys. 

"I almost thought you were going away with that girl." Eddie can't help but tease him. 

"One more minute and I'd have her climb in the back of your car." Buck responds with a smirk. 

"You little--" Eddie stops as soon as he realizes that Buck is playing him. "Bastard." He mumbles between his teeth as he starts the car while Buck giggles. 

The ride is rough and - even though the traffic is rather fluid - much too long. 

Eddie keeps his attention riveted on the road, but he has to repeatedly push away the hand that keeps trying to crawl into his pants. 

When they finally arrive home, Eddie barely has time to close the door behind him and turn on the light before Buck falls to his knees in front of him. 

Eddie almost moans, because this vision gives him a hard-on. 

Buck is busy unbuckling his belt, undoing the button on his jeans and then his zipper, and with a sudden movement, he pulls his jeans and underpants at the same time, just enough to be able to take him in his mouth already. 

Eddie swears between his clenched teeth and holds his breath when he feels the wetness and warmth from Buck's mouth enveloping him. 

He leans against the door behind him, puts one hand flat on the wall to his left and slides the other into Buck's hair. 

He closes his eyes and tilts his head back when Buck takes it all in his mouth and his tongue slides the entire length of it before teasing his dick's head. 

Buck grabs his hips to pull him back against the door when he delivers an unconscious forward blow. 

Eddie can't focus on anything but that mouth that welcomes him, his lips surrounding him, greedily sucking him. 

He tugs his hair a little and Buck moans and the sound reverberates and vibrates around his cock. 

He forces himself to open his eyes and lower his head to look at him. Buck looks at him through his eyelashes and slides the tip of his tongue over the tip of his dick. 

"Fuck." Eddie grunts and pulls his hair back. 

He is rewarded by Buck swallowing around his dick. Eddie's eyes almost roll to the back of his head. 

His legs shake. It's been so long and Buck is so good. He does it so well. Eddie feels dizzy. 

"So good." He sighs as he looks down at him again. 

It's worth a sigh of pleasure and a lick in the right place. Curious, he continues. 

"You're so fucking good. Your mouth is amazing." He compliments between two breaths and observes his reaction. 

Buck closes his eyes and goes about his task with more fervor. He moans in comfort as Eddie starts pulling his hair again. 

Eddie keeps this in his head for later. 

He gives a slight forward stroke of his hip, voluntarily this time, and his cock hits the back of his throat. 

Buck's fingers dig into his hips as he moans loudly. 

"Do you like it?" Eddie asks with interest. 

Buck opens his eyes and raises them towards him before trying to nod eagerly. 

Eddie stretches out a smile and raises his hips every time Buck comes back to him. 

He rejoices at every whimper Buck makes and how the hands on his hips are no longer trying to hold him, but are now simply there to try to hold on to something. 

"You should see yourself. You look gorgeous... getting your mouth fucked." Eddie continues the praise because it seems to be something that Buck really enjoys. 

And he sucks him so good that he could say or do whatever he wanted, as long as he likes it. 

"I'm going to come. Don't stop." He warns and Buck obeys. 

He doesn't stop. He's going faster and harder. He swallows around his cock, teasing it with his tongue, and when Eddie crosses his blue eyes that stare at him with determination, his orgasm bursts. He wants to keep his eyes open but he can't and his head slams against the door behind him. He comes in his mouth and throat and Buck swallows contentedly, humming with pleasure against him. 

It's probably the best orgasm he's had in a while. Wherever he's had it at all. It leaves him completely dizzy and weakened. He grunts as Buck steps back and his cock slips out of his mouth. Then he shakes when he feels his breath hitting his cock and the tip of his tongue sliding down his length.

It takes a while for him to come to his senses and feel a little less sluggish, but eventually he does. Just in time to hear him say; 

"Well then Superman, we've already exhausted all his strength?" 

When Eddie opens his eyes and lowers his head, Buck is still on his knees and smiles arrogantly and maybe even with a little pride.

And after what he just did to him, Eddie can't really blame him.

For a second he looks at his bright blue eyes and wet lips and while he pulls up his underpants and jeans with one hand, he pulls him by the back of his neck for kisses him with the other. 

And feeling his own taste still in Buck's mouth drives him crazy.

It's Buck's turn to get dizzy. 

Eddie is a good kisser. Better than good. Better than anyone else. He doesn't know if he's really objective, because he doesn't really have another point of comparison. 

But, _damn_ , that tongue in his mouth... It makes his head spin, it makes him hard as hell. 

It leaves him confused too. 

Because, who the fuck would want to kiss the mouth that just sucked him off? He still has the taste in his mouth. 

But if it bothers him, Eddie doesn't show it. 

He's right there, his muscular body pressing against him, his firm hand pulling at his neck and his tongue licking his mouth as if he refuses to let it go away. 

Buck isn't crazy enough to try to do that anyway. All he wants is to get even closer. 

"I want to tear you down." Breathe Eddie out against his lips as they part. 

Buck shivers violently, his skin burning with excitement. 

_Yes._ Yes, he does too. He wants it so bad. 

That's what he means. But he loves to play. He's always loved it. 

"A lot of talk, not a lot of action." He exhales in turn, stretching out an arrogant smile. 

Eddie brushes his lips, teases them with his tongue for a second, then smiles.

"You'll see..." He promises as he walks away a little to reach the stairs. 

Buck follows him and Eddie stops to let him pass in front of him, for nothing more than to admire his body, his thighs, his ass, his hips swinging as he climbs the stairs. 

"I'm still waiting." Buck answers when he gets to the top. 

When he turns around, Eddie is right behind him and he almost jumps. 

"In the bedroom. Now." He commands by gently pushing him with one hand on his chest, towards what Buck guesses to be his room. 

Buck doesn't pay much attention to the environment, he's obsessed with Eddie pushing and pushing until the back of his legs touches something and he finds himself sitting on his bed. 

Eddie comes closer, until his knees hit his and Buck is forced to raise his head to look at him. Instinctively, Buck spreads his legs a little bit, enough for Eddie to squeeze in, like in the bathroom at the bar. 

Buck is swallowing, catching every move he makes, and he doesn't seem as confident as he did two minutes ago. He watches Eddie grab the sides of his shirt and skillfully pass it over his head. 

Buck's heart is racing in his chest, beating faster and stronger. It's almost painful. 

All that skin. Miles of tanned skin. Prominent, well-defined muscles. All that... All this is at hand. Within _his_ reach. 

Buck never cared about that. He had a partner, they'd fuck, he'd leave. It was as simple as that. No petting, no kissing, no wasting time, and most of the time, not even foreplay. Just two bodies fitting together, wearing each other out and then walking away. And he never wanted more, he never even thought about it. 

But for the first time, he wants it. Eddie is a handsome man. He really is. And he wants to enjoy it. As much and as long as he can. He wants to reach out and caress his skin, he wants to bend over and kiss, lick and bite the space between his navel and his pants, he wants to feel his muscles contract under his touch, he wants it all. And he wants Eddie to do the same. 

He just doesn't know if he can.

How is he supposed to ask for it? How is he supposed to express it? When he himself doesn't understand where it all comes from. 

And maybe Eddie hears his inner conflict, because he says, falsely offended; 

"What are you waiting for? I don't make you want?" 

Eddie's kidding, of course. But there's a part of him that's... confused? 

He doesn't really understand what's going on. Buck is so openly... open about sex from the beginning, he's not afraid to talk about it, in front of others, or even act on it because he sucked Eddie off like nobody else before on his doorstep. Yet there he is, sitting in front of him, observing Eddie's body with a kind of shyness, of reserve. And Eddie knows that he is not the problem. He doesn't want to be arrogant or narcissistic but... He knows he's handsome. So it has to come from Buck. Buck, who seemed like a pretty experienced guy... seem now like a reluctant novice. 

And he doesn't really know how to deal with that. 

When Buck looks up and crosses his eyes, they shine with desire, hesitation and something else. Something he can't identify. 

"Can I?" Buck asks him, and he's strangely agitated and out of breath. 

Eddie looks at him for a moment and his stomach is in a knot. 

It was only supposed to be about get laid. Why does it feel like more than that? Why does he feel like he's missing something? 

Buck's eyes sparkle with excitement, he licks his lips in anticipation. As if touching Eddie was something forbidden but he still wanted to have it. 

Eddie doesn't understand why. But he's not willing to say no to him. If that's what Buck wants, he's going to give it to him. He doesn't even understand why Buck is asking him in the first place. 

"Go for it." He answers in a whisper and Buck smiles like a kid under the Christmas tree. 

His eyes light up and his breathing gets a little more faster.

He takes his eyes off Eddie and reaches out his hand, touches his muscles, his stomach, his ribs and everything else he can reach and he does it with such admiration that Eddie is all turned around. 

This guy is... This guy is surprising. But that's a good thing. 

Buck looks up at him, almost like he's looking for approval, like he's asking him if he's doing the right thing, but Eddie's not sure what to say at this point, so all he does is smile and run his hands through his hair. 

And apparently that's a good answer. Because Buck's smile is huge and his shyness crumbles and he pulls Eddie a little bit more towards him by putting his hands on his hips. 

Buck forgets his inexperience, he forgets that he's never done anything but fuck, he just keeps in mind that Eddie is smiling and he likes it. 

Eddie has allowed him to do it, so he's going to do it. 

He squeezes his hips, like he did earlier, and he gets closer, pressing his mouth where he can. He lets his tongue slip between the lines of his abs, around his navel and then bites his skin just above the elastic of his underwear.

"Stop." 

Buck reveals his head so quickly it's almost comical. 

Eddie laughs at his confused pout. Then he bends over until Buck drops down on the mattress and overhangs it with his hands on either side of his head and his knees on either side of his hips. 

"Let me take a little care of you." 

And Buck is not against it, but he's in a hurry. He slides one hand on the back of Eddie's neck and suddenly pulls him towards him to kiss him. Eddie collapses on him but neither of them complains. Buck raises his hips and they both moan as their cocks rub against each other. 

"Take off... Take off your pants." Buck gasps against his lips. 

"You first. Undress. Now." Eddie smiles as he pushes up on his arms to get up. 

They hurry to get undressed. Eddie is faster, probably because he's standing up and Buck is still lying on the bed.  
Buck stops for a moment as he is about to take off his shirt; the only clothing he has left, to look at Eddie, completely naked in front of him. 

"Do you like what you see?" Eddie is teases.

Buck giggles, as if he thinks the question is stupid. 

"Hell, yeah." He exhales as Eddie climbs back up on the bed above him. 

Buck finally takes off his shirt and throws it across the room, sliding his hands behind Eddie's back to bring him back to him and try to kiss him. 

" _Jesus_." Eddie's croak. 

"What?" Buck grunts, impatient, when he notices that the more he tries to get Eddie closer to him, the more Eddie seems to want to move away. 

"Your bruises..." Eddie exhales, his eyes glued to his chest, his hand hovering above without ever touching him. 

For a moment, Buck had almost forgotten about them. 

"We don't care." He sighs before raising his head to try to kiss Eddie again. 

But again, Eddie steps back. 

Buck lets his head sink into the mattress, growling in frustration. 

It may not be very bright in the room, it's only lit by the window that lets in the sunlight as it sets... But it is bright enough for Eddie to see the shadows and contours. And it is... It's a lot. It's more than he saw on his back the day Buck arrived. They're everywhere. Some are darker, some are yellowing, some are obviously from a while ago, and some look very recent. Either way, it upsets him. 

He remembers the pain he felt from those he had won fighting in the streets. And they weren't as scary to see as the ones on Buck's skin. He can't imagine how he must feel. 

Yet when he looks up, Buck's face shows no sign of pain or discomfort. His eyes are always misty with desire, even though he can very clearly see a question mark in it.

"Can we get back to it?" Buck ends up asking, and he looks really impatient. 

"How do you expect us to do anything if I can't even touch you?" He frowns, even more so when he feels hands sliding across his hips. 

"You're gonna fuck me, you don't really have to touch me for that. Or... not in that place, anyway." He says it, and he sounds very serious. 

Eddie stares at him in disbelief, and he can sense this time that Buck is starting to feel uncomfortable. It's not his goal, but he doesn't understand what the hell is going on. He doesn't understand what he's saying et why he's saying it. He doesn't understand this guy. 

"And how do I get pleasure in that?" 

Buck looks really confused this time, and under other circumstances, Eddie might laugh about it. There they are, completely naked, pressed up against each other and... it's not really the time for begins a conversation. 

"Well, by fucking me." Buck replies, as if it were obvious.

Eddie shakes his head, dazed. 

"But I can't touch you. And I want to touch you."

Buck closes his eyes and pushes a deep sigh, letting his arms drop to the bed, as if he's giving up the fight. 

"Okay, you can. You can touch me. I never said you can't. It doesn't hurt." He declares as he opens his eyes again. 

And when he thinks back, Eddie thinks it's true. When he pushed him into the bathroom, when he grabbed his hips... Buck didn't make a grimace, he didn't show any signs of pain or discomfort. 

So he could stop there. But there is a part of him that wants to know. He wants to know under what circumstances he could have injured himself so badly. Just for his peace of mind. 

So...

"Can I ask you how?" Eddie hears himself say before he's even really thought more about it. 

Buck raises his eyebrows in surprise, but he also looks annoyed. He purses his lips for a moment, as if he's thinking, then he lifts his head a little, grabs Eddie's lip with his teeth and pulls gently. 

Eddie flutters his eyelashes, letting out a small trembling sigh. 

"Not if you want us to go on." Buck whispers as he releases his lip so he can slide his mouth close to his ear. "And from the way what I feel against my thigh, I'd say you want to." 

And Eddie realizes how hard he is only now. 

He doesn't want to pass up his chance, so he doesn't insist. 

"So you're gonna fuck me now?" 

After that, they just pick up where they left off, like nothing happened. 

They keep kissing, stroking each other; Eddie makes sure he's careful, and if Buck notices, he doesn't say anything. There comes a time when they can't wait any longer, when they're tired of little caresses and just want to get to Eddie's promise. 

So Eddie reaches into his bedside table drawer, pulls out a tube of lubricant and covers his fingers with it. 

When Buck starts to turn around, Eddie puts his free hand on his shoulder. 

Buck gives him an interrogative look. 

"I want to see you." Eddie responds and Buck doesn't mind. 

He spreads his thighs so that Eddie can slip between them and he wastes no time pressing a finger against his entrance. 

Buck is already arching, breathing hard. Eddie isn't much better, but neither of them cares. 

Eddie slowly pushes his finger in and watches every line on his face, looking for the slightest hint of pain or discomfort. But he sees none. Then he starts to move and when he feels Buck is ready, he adds a second finger. 

Buck groans, his hands on Eddie's shoulders, his lower lip caught between his teeth. 

Eddie realizes he's not moving and just admires the expressions on his face when Buck moves and sinks himself on his fingers. 

Then he starts again, spreading his fingers in a scissor movement that makes Buck moan a little louder. He continues, adds a third finger, and when Buck digs his nails into Eddie's skin, he speeds up the pace until he hits his prostate. 

Buck bends over, moans loudly - a moan that goes straight to Eddie's dick - and breathes harder. 

"Fuck me." He exhales as Eddie pulls his fingers out. 

He opens his eyes -wondering when he closed them- just in time to see Eddie wipe his fingers on the sheets and then crawl towards him until his face is in front of his and he can feel his breath hitting his lips. 

"Beg me." Eddie smiles, slipping a hand between their bodies to grab Buck's cock shiny of pre-come. 

"Please." Buck groans as Eddie slides his thumb over his dick's head. "Please... Fuck me." 

Eddie's smile gets bigger. He's already so erratic, begging and incoherent now... He's curious to know what he'll be like when he starts to fuck him for real. 

Eddie doesn't waste any more time. He releases his dick to grab his own and guide it towards his entrance. He doesn't know yet if he wants to go slowly or roughly. Then he remembers Buck turning it on in front of his friends, he remembers Buck playing with him, he remembers Buck smiling when he tells him he's going to ruin him. And his decision is made. 

With a single hip movement, he sinks inside him completely, enjoying the way Buck opens his mouth but no sound comes out, the way his eyes roll to the back of his head, the way his hands grab his hips. 

He leans one hand on the mattress and slides the other through his blonde hair, pulling it back a little, satisfied with the moaning that comes out broken of his mouth. 

Eddie withdraws and sinks back in again, brutally. He repeats the action over and over again, watching Buck's face distorted by pleasure, admiring his bright blue eyes that he struggles to keep open, listening to every sound he makes. 

"You're so fucking loud." Eddie grunts against his throat. 

"I can be silent." Buck manages to articulate between two exhalations. "Or... You can make me to." 

Eddie frowns, his arms and thighs burn from the strain, and he feels Buck shake with every stroke. 

"No. No fucking way." He breathes into his neck, licking and biting his skin just below the mark he left earlier under his ear. 

Buck is too far to worry about how he feels about hearing that Eddie obviously likes to hear it. He's happy about that, because he's not sure he could keep quiet if he ever asked him to. 

Eddie continues to come and go inside him and tortures the skin on his neck and he feels overwhelmed. He feels shaky, he's breathing harder, he's on the verge of orgasm. He would like to warn Eddie, but he can't even talk. Then, when he feels like he's about to tip over, everything stops. 

He blinks, confused, and quickly understands that the broken moan he hears is his own. 

When the fog clears and his vision clears a little, his eyes fall on Eddie's face, which smiles like a predator that has just captured its prey. 

"W-Why?" That's all Buck can say and his voice is hoarse and broken. 

"Do you remember? I told you I was going to tear you down." He teases him by pressing against his entrance, without go in. 

Buck can still - through his muddled and vaporous mind - detect a question mark in his eyes. As if Eddie were asking him if he could handle it. As if, if he said no, Eddie would let him come right now. 

And Buck, well, he's not one to say no. He almost takes it as a challenge, and he's not one to give up or lose. What about his limitations? He doesn't feel like he has any, so... 

"I'm still waiting to see." He manages to say, forcing a provocative smile just to piss him off. 

To see how far Eddie can go. 

"You're gonna beg." Eddie announces by sliding a delicate hand over his chest. 

Buck holds his breath as Eddie brushes his nipple and then rolls it between his index finger and thumb. This sends an electric shock through his entire body. It almost makes him whine, too. 

"For you shut up and fuck me for real? Yeah. Proba--" 

"Turn around." Eddie ordres and Buck shudders in apprehension but also impatience, then he obeys.

"I thought you wanted to see me." He laughs, trying to ignore how much his knees are shaking. 

Eddie leans over, so he can say in his ear; 

"I'm just giving you what you want." He whispers before he stands up and puts his hands on his hips. 

Buck prepares to reply but is silent when Eddie sinks in again. He's rougher and Buck is louder. However, the grip of Eddie's hands on his hips is soft and delicate, probably to avoid pressing on his bruises and... He shouldn't like it so much. To know that Eddie cares. 

Eddie wraps an arm around his chest, then bends over, pressing his torso against his back and again, his grip is careful, to avoid bruises. Buck closes his eyes when he feels his lips close at the base of his spine. 

Eddie licks and bites the skin there, delighted with the moan he pulls from Buck for this. He likes to hear it. He wants to hear him more. And he knows what to do about it. 

"You're so tight. So fucking good." He grunts against his skin. 

Then he stands up and pulls Buck with him, keeping his arm wrapped around him and using his other hand to pull his hair, until the back of his head rests against his shoulder. 

He is gratified by a long, dirty moan. 

They don't stay in this position for long. In fact, until Buck feels ready to come and Eddie stops it all, again. 

"Do you want to come?" Ask Eddie when they return to their original positions and he sees the tears in the corners of Buck's eyes. 

Buck nods vigorously, and whines when Eddie is inside him again. 

He doesn't know what to do anymore. He's nothing but a wreck. He doesn't have the strength to play anymore, he just wants to come. He wants Eddie to make him come. 

"All you have to do is ask." Eddie hums against his jaw, squeezing a sweet kiss that contrasts with the way he fucks him hard. 

"Let me come." He whimpers weakly, his eyes closed because it's become too hard to keep them open. "Please, let me come." He repeats and is ready to beg again if that's what it takes. 

Eddie slows down a bit, but doesn't stop. His movements are less brutal, and more languid. He strokes Buck's hair with one hand and presses his mouth against his Adam's apple, which keeps going up and down. 

"Let you go." Eddie whispers against his skin. 

"Please, please..." Buck repeats unconsciously.

"You may go. Come for me." He brings his mouth up to his ear, kisses the few marks he's left there and then speeds up his thrusts again. "Make me cum with you." He slips it to his ear. 

Buck tightens his thighs around his hips and wraps his arms around his neck, wanting to hold on to something. 

Finally, he releases himself on their chests in a moan that borders on obscenity and takes Eddie with him. 

They both breathe like racehorses. Eddie let himself fall to his side, on his flank, but Buck kept his arms and one leg around him and Eddie could do nothing but put an arm around him to bring him a little closer. 

They stay like that for a while, dozing, huddled together. And they're far too exhausted and still lost in the post-orgasmic fog to be embarrassed. 

Then Eddie finally forces himself to move away and get up, just to clean himself up before going back to bed. He sits on the edge of the bed and shakes Buck's shoulder lightly as he seems to be asleep. 

"Hm... I know, I know... I'm going to go." Buck says in a barely audible whisper. 

But it's enough audible to Eddie hear it and it knots his stomach. 

Why is that what he's thinking about? Why is it that after what they've just done and when he's on the verge of unconsciousness, this is what comes to his mind in first? 

Eddie sighs and runs a weary hand over his face. 

It's yet another question about Buck that intrigues him but he can't answer. 

He gets up, staggers to the bathroom and passes a washcloth under hot water. He quickly cleans himself and returns to the room to clean Buck without waking him. Which isn't too difficult because he seems to be sleeping soundly.

He leaves the wet washcloth on a corner of his bedside table and slips into bed. He folds the blankets over them and, too tired to hesitate, he moves closer to Buck and puts an arm around him. 

And, too tired to worry, he just relishes the soft moan Buck makes when he cuddles his face to his chest.

They'll all have time to rack their brains about it tomorrow.


	7. Bad decisions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here it is! 😏 
> 
> I have nothing to say, except... Don't be mad at me. 😇 
> 
> See you soon for more! 🖤 
> 
> Thanks for all your votes and comments, I appreciate it! ❤ 
> 
> Kisses on all of you! 💋

When Eddie wakes up, he is a little confused. 

It has been months since he woke up with someone in his bed. 

He had forgotten how nice it was. Although it's a little different from what he's always known. 

There's hair tickling his chin and a heavy, warm body pressed against his. An arm across his belly and a face that uses his torso as a pillow. 

Outside, the sky is clear and the sun is already high, so the morning must already be well underway. 

He lowers his eyes on Buck and leaves them lying on his side and back uncovered, allowing himself to analyze the bruises that cover him in daylight. 

He wonders if they are the result of an accident or if they were inflicted. He wants to go for the first option -not just because it's more reassuring- but because Buck is a strong and powerful man, a marine; he could easily defend himself. 

But no matter how much he thinks about it, he can't see what kind of accident could cause injuries like this. The bruises are not randomly scattered, they are where the body is vulnerable, where there is likely to be the most damage. He's not deluded, it looks very clearly like a beating. A methodical beating. 

He lets his fingers slide down his flank, lightly caressing the bruised skin and smiles when Buck shivers. 

He looks up at his face when Buck wiggles slightly, without waking up. The bruise on his nose has disappeared, only a few yellowish marks remain, but have to be close enough to see it. His eyelashes cast shadows on his cheeks and his half-open lips let out a light, steady breath. 

Buck is still moving and his leg -slipped between Eddie's legs- moves up a little, until the top of his thigh presses against his cock. 

Eddie closes his eyes, moans slightly, exhaling a trembling breath. 

When he opens his eyes, Buck's eyes are still closed, confirming to him that this movement was involuntary. 

Eddie's mind drifts over what they did last night. 

It was good. It was really good. More than good. But... There are so many things, so many reactions from Buck that he doesn't understand.

The way he was upset about being kissed. The way he was hesitant and unsure about touching it. The way he didn't seem to care that he could hurt him. The way he immediately thought he was going to ask him to leave. The way he seemed surprised every time he petted or stimulated him, as if it was the first time. As if he was experimenting. As if he was discovering. 

All of this leads to so many questions. He doesn't even understand why he is so eager to know, to understand. 

But he wants to. 

He is pulled out of his thoughts by a hungry belly rumble, which is not his own. He looks down again at Buck, who is still deeply asleep. 

He stretches his arms over his head and gathers all his courage to get out of bed - without waking Buck - and get up. 

He grabs a few clean clothes and discreetly walks out of the room and into the bathroom. 

He relaxes in the shower, washing away the last traces of sleep and thinks about what he could cook that would satisfy a man like Buck. But something simple enough that he won't miss, burn and then have to throw away. 

When Buck wakes up, he's a little freaked out. 

It's morning and he's not in his bed. The smell on the pillow and the sheets is not his, although it is fucking heady.

It's been years since he woke up in the morning in a bed that isn't his. 

He never thought it could be so nice. Although it is very different from what he has always known. 

He shivers a little and realizes that he is still completely naked. He chases away his tiredness and gets up, retrieving his clothes scattered on the floor of the room to put them on. 

Buck's mind drifts over what they did last night. 

It was good. Really good. More than good. But... There are so many things, so many reactions from Eddie that he doesn't understand.

The way he kissed him so naturally. The way he let him touch him without hesitation. The way he seemed to care about not hurting him. The way he obviously let him spend the night at home. The way he kept kissing and caressing him with fluency and expertise. As if it was normal. As if it was easy. 

All of this leads to so many questions. He doesn't even understand why he is so eager to know, to understand. 

But he wants to. 

Yet - and even though he'll never admit it - he's also very cowardly and when it becomes too complicated for him to handle, there is nothing to do but leave. 

When it got too complicated with his father? He left. 

When it got too complicated with Maddie? He left. 

When it got too complicated at the ARA? He left. 

When it got too complicated in Argentina? He left. 

It was for different reasons every time and the way to get away was also different every time but it was still what it was; running away and disappearing. 

His mantra. 

He is pulled out of his thoughts by the water that suddenly stops flowing. He avoids lowering his eyes to the bed, pushing away the memories of that night. 

He gathers all his cowardice to get out of the room -without alerting Eddie- and discreetly leave the house. 

His cell phone battery is dead, so he hits the road, ignoring his stiff, heavy leg, as if it's were partially asleep.

It's a long drive, but he doesn't let his mind wander. He blocks everything that is too difficult to handle. He blocks the memories of Eddie's body against his own and anything that might come up. He blocks the pain in his leg and everything it could remind him of. 

And before he knows it, he's already back at the hotel. 

His bed calls out to him and he's tempted to go back on now but the smell of Eddie is all over him and makes him dizzy. He has to get rid of it. 

He doesn't take long in the shower, washing and removing the last traces of his night with Eddie. He wipes himself roughly, puts on underpants and slips into sheets that don't smell as good as Eddie's. 

The last thing he thinks about before falling asleep is ghost fingers against his side.

And when Eddie comes out of the bathroom and the bedroom door is wide open and the bed is empty, he feels stupid to be surprised and disappointed. 

He sits on the edge of the bed, lays his hand flat on the mattress where less than fifteen minutes ago Buck was still sleeping, and slowly closes his eyes. 

Since Shannon, he has never really been with anyone. There had been a few flings and a few meaningless dates. He was fine like that, just him and Christopher. It suited him. 

But Buck awakened something in him. 

Something that, now that he's alone in his own house, leaves a part of him sad and incomplete. 

Something that digs a void in him. A void he hadn't felt in a long time. He may never have felt in his entire life with such intensity. 

And yet he can't blame Buck. 

After all, for each of them before they started, it was only supposed to be a one-night stand. 

With a deep sigh, Eddie gets up and goes to work removing the dirty sheets, putting them in the machine to get rid of the smell of Buck floating around. 

Then he leaves the house and climbs into his truck. 

Unable to endure the loneliness that twists his guts, he drives to Abuela's house to see his son. 

A nasty pain in his leg wakes Buck and leaves him disoriented and feverish in his hotel room. 

It takes him a while to get through the fog of sleep and pain and remember where he is and why he is in this state. 

And he can only blame himself. It's his fault. He pushed on his leg, much more than he should have. 

There was that walk with Maddie, where they walked for hours. Then he had that night at the bar, where he danced for hours too. Then this night with Eddie... And the walking he had to do to go back to the hotel after that. 

_Fuck, why was he so stupid?_

He's not in Argentina anymore. He no longer has his pseudo doctor to give him a prescription for weed as soon as the pain goes beyond his tolerance level. 

What is he supposed to do now? 

He can put up with a lot. Really a lot. 

But this is too much. He has to do something. 

He takes a deep breath, tries to get up but it's useless; he's nailed to the mattress. 

He swings an arm across his face, breathing in and out deeply for long seconds. 

It hasn't happened to him in a long time.

He has only one option and it is far from pleasing him yet it is the only one he has. 

He should call 911. 

But he can't, because he would have to explain how he got to this point, he would have to give details about his current state of health and that's something he can't do. Because that would force him to dig into memories that he's trying to forget, to remember a period of his life that he wishes he had never existed. Not to mention that he might run into Maddie on the phone or the 118 could be the ones to answer the call. They went out yesterday but he doesn't know their days off, he doesn't even know Maddie's days off. Does she work on weekends too? He doesn't know and he can't take the risk. 

He can't face familiar faces when he's in this state. _He just can't._ No one should see him like this. 

He lets out the breath he didn't know he was holding but all that comes out is a strangled sob. He pushes away the blankets, sweating and panting. The sheet underneath him sticks to his skin, his hair sticks to his forehead, sweat runs down his neck and down his back. It's as if it's so hot that he can't even breathe properly. 

He hates feeling like that. He hates himself when he feels like that. He's completely helpless and he can't do anything but wait and take it. 

He hates himself even more knowing that he's only in this state because of himself. 

Because he has made bad decisions. 

That's what his life has become, that's what his life is all about ; just a pack of bad decisions. 

He is in this space of... in between. Stuck between the ease of denial and the fear of acceptance. 

He knows. 

He knows, logically, that this is not normal. That he should never have gone to that dubious clinic and that somewhere in the process, the surgeon must have screwed up something during the operation. He knows that something is wrong. He knows it. 

But he can't accept it. He can't deal with it. He's too afraid to find out what it is and what it could lead to. He's been through too much already; he doesn't want it again. _He can't._

And if he has to suffer today... Then that's a price he's willing to pay. 

He will be more careful from now on. He will be more careful with his leg than usual. And if he sees any warning signs, then he will go buy some weed. He can find it everywhere after all, he doesn't have to have a prescription. 

He just has to try to rest until the pain subsides. 

After a umpteenth exhalation, he stretches out his arm and opens the door of the mini fridge next to his bed. He turns his head and finds an ice cube bag in the freezer compartment. 

He moans when the ice comes in contact with his burning skin at his knee. 

He bites the back of his hand to stop himself from crying any more, his old tears still leaving salty streaks on his cheeks. 

Little by little, the pain diminishes, enough for him to go back to sleep and when he closes his eyes, he knows that he won't open them again all day, and that when he wakes up later, it will all be behind him.

All of this.


	8. Three good decisions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's getting better with these two, well... more or less. 🤷
> 
> I'll see you soon for the next one and... do I really need to warn you about what's going to happen? 😏 
> 
> Happy reading and thanks again for all the kudos and comments! 🖤 
> 
> Kisses on you all! 💋

The days go by and Buck spends most of them locked in his hotel room. 

First, because his leg needs rest. 

But mostly because he's wondering. 

He doesn't really know where this... sudden questioning comes from. But it is there and for once... He doesn't want to chase it away. He wants to keep questioning himself until he finds answers. 

He has spent most of his life letting go. He never really asked himself what he was going to become, what he was going to do with his life, or even what kind of man he wanted to be. 

He just... let himself go. And so far, it hasn't turned out to be a good thing. So for once, he's trying to do something else. 

The thing is... His life took a dramatic turn when he joined the ARA. 

He left home, he traveled, found some temporary jobs. He never stayed in one place for very long, he didn't have a purpose. Until he arrived in Argentina, he got a little tired of being on the road all the time and thought why not. So he settled down and thought that this time he might find a permanent job. He didn't have to look very long. He didn't really know what to do with his life and he didn't really want to think about it, so it just came a little bit naturally. He had been raised to be a soldier and even though he had run away from his father for that reason, his education was ingrained in him; he couldn't undo it. And he didn't care, it didn't matter, not when he was alone. 

So he joined the ARA. 

And he prepared to die the second he set foot in it, the second he put on his uniform. He expected it and he accepted it. It wasn't a problem. 

He accepted that he might never come back and it wasn't even hard. 

But he didn't expect to come back. Least of all to come back hurt, haunted, empty and more alone than he already was. 

He didn't have a problem with death, but he did have a problem with the injury, the pain, the memories. 

And since he had come back, he didn't really know what to do. 

Being okay with death was good when he was convinced he was going to die, it was good when he was on the battlefield and it made him feel invincible. But now that he was back, alive and well, back to civilian life... He didn't really know what to do. 

Now that he wasn't afraid to die, well, he didn't feel like he was living anymore. 

That's why it's so difficult for him to make a decision today. 

A decision that could give meaning to his life. Should he continue wandering around like a ghost? Or should he try to move forward without even knowing what lies ahead? To pick up the broken pieces of his life and hope that the rest will be better? Assuming it's worth it. 

He's not sure he can do that for himself. 

So he calls the one person who is even a small part of his life. 

Because if he can't do it for himself, maybe he can do it for someone else. 

"Buck, hey! Are you okay? You haven't answered my texts these past few days, I was starting to get worried." Maddie's voice echoes through the phone. 

Buck is lying cross-legged on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He can almost imagine that his sister is right next to him. 

"Uh, yeah, sorry, I've been a little busy." He answers vaguely, and Buck knows that Maddie is holding back from asking him questions. 

That she keeps herself from interfering in his life because she knows it pisses him off. 

And the only reason he's upset with that is because his old life is a mess and his current life? Well, his current life doesn't exist. 

He doesn't have a life. Not since he came home. Maybe he never actually had one. 

"Do you need me in your life?" He suddenly asks. 

Maddie frowns at the other end of the phone. She's ignoring the conversations that have become quieter and the stares that have come over her since she picked up the phone. 

"What?" She asks stupidly, even though she heard it very well. 

She just doesn't understand where the question is coming from, or how, or why. 

"Do you need me in your life, Mads?" Repeats Buck, eyes still on the ceiling, a little lost in thought. "I mean, you have a great family and friends. You have a happy life. Do you really need me in the picture?" 

Maddie blinks several times, stunned. 

Then she becomes aware of the silence in the room and on the other end of the phone as well.

"Of course I need you in my life, Buck. You're my brother. I've always needed you and I always will." Maddie finally responds. "Why do you... Why are you asking me this question? Is everything okay?" 

"I'm just wondering." 

"Wondering about what?" 

"About my life in general. I was thinking that maybe I was ready to consider something new. Something better, maybe. I just don't know." 

"What does that mean? Buck... Are you sure you're all right? You look weird." Maddie's a little worried, probably more than she should be with Buck. 

"It means I'm gonna get a job." Buck suddenly says. 

And everything he says seems a little out of nowhere, but that's okay. It's okay because it's good news. And that doesn't happen very often when it comes to Buck. 

"Here?" She asks anyway, just to make sure. 

"Yeah. Here." 

"That's great, Buck. I'm, uh... I'm really happy." She smiles, and maybe her eyes are wet, but it's just joy. 

"I am if you are." Buck answers him back and that's enough to make a tear come out of her eye. 

"I love you." She has to tell him. 

"Me too." 

And Maddie doesn't blame him that it's just a whisper. She doesn't blame him that it's just an "me too" and it can't be an "I love you". She never held it against him. 

And when they hang up, she has a lighter heart. Like she's catching her breath for the first time since her brother arrived in Los Angeles. 

"Is everything okay?" Asks Chimney when she returns to sit at the loft table, where they enjoy a moment's respite to eat before the alarm sounds again. 

And when she answers, her smile is radiant, more dazzling than they've ever seen. 

"Everything is fine." 

There's still a lot to sort out between them. But it's a good start, a good beginning. And it seems to be the first really sincere conversation they've had in a while. 

Buck is doing it. He's getting a job. The advantage of his years of wandering before joining ARA is that he's been able to gain experience and skills in a lot of different fields. He has been a bouncer in one bar, bartender in another, security guard in a small grocery store, waiter in a fast food restaurant, cab driver, maintenance worker, mechanic in a garage... In itself, everything that came his way. He wasn't trying to find his voice, or even find fulfillment in his work; he just wanted to have enough money to live on, before he hit the road again for another city and start over. 

Nothing was really different today. Except that he didn't really know if he was going to leave again.

He didn't want to think about it. Not yet. Not now. He was going to do what he always did; let it go. At least until a decision had to be made. 

He drove past an old car junkyard that didn't look too good and like everything else in his life he thought; _why not._

He walked in, introduced himself, bragged about his experience, and through perseverance, he managed to convince the gruff, grumpy, broken-down old owner to hire him. 

There were no other employees. The owner worked alone and that's exactly what Buck was looking for. He didn't want to be in contact with people. He wanted a place where he could keep his hands busy with no one around, where he didn't have to make conversation, smile, be polite, where he didn't even have to talk. 

And for his leg, that seemed like a good option too. He didn't need to stay in the same position for too long, but he didn't need to be on his feet all the time either. He could take five minutes every time he was tired or stiff and then go right back to it without getting overwhelmed. And no one was watching him or supervising him. The owner didn't really pay much attention to him, a little bit at first, but when he noticed he was doing very well, he just let him do his job. They would say hello, goodbye, and talk a little bit about inventory when they were forced to. But the atmosphere wasn't heavy or awkward; the old man wasn't very talkative and lately Buck wasn't either. It suited them both. 

The salary wasn't crazy, but it was reasonable. It wasn't the next door either; it was about forty minutes by car from the hotel, but it suited him too. He didn't have much to do anyway and going around in circles at the hotel was starting to drive him crazy. He hated sitting around doing nothing. Firstly, because he had always been itchy, and secondly, because it left too many opportunities for his mind to wander.

And with that, he had even taken out a new health insurance policy. He didn't have any, not since he had returned from the ARA, and if it reached Maddie's ears, he could be sure that she would kick his ass severely. 

So there again, because he couldn't do it for him... He did it for her. 

Another important detail, he hasn't slept with anyone since Eddie. That in itself is quite an achievement. He would like to pretend that it was because he was too busy, but it's not the case. It's mostly because after that night, he doesn't feel that someone could satisfy him as much as Eddie did, that it couldn't be as good as it was with him. Now that he's tasted more, he can't go back to less. He doesn't want to settle for what he knew before. But the idea of doing this with someone other than Eddie seems... absurd. 

Come to think of it, it's the whole situation that's absurd. 

And it's even more absurd to think about it now, in the middle of the light bulb aisle of the closest store he could find. 

The one in the storeroom had blew up and --Okay maybe he's the one who blew it up by stretching his arms over his head, but no one needs to know. 

Shooter - that's the old man's name, Buck doubts it's his real name but he agreed to call him Buck without hesitation so Buck didn't do it either - he didn't have any spare bulbs so he asked him to go buy some and stretch his legs as he went by. 

He's seen him wince on his leg several times and Buck knows he knows, but he never asked him for anything and never said anything. Buck is thankful for that, because he doesn't want to get fired, let alone talk about it. 

Shooter is a former soldier. Buck knows it, he guessed it. The nickname helped him. But most of all, he has The Look. Maybe that's why he leaves it alone. Maybe he's figured out that he wants to be alone and needs to keep busy. 

"Buck?" 

Buck misses dropping his box of light bulbs when he gets startled. 

Well, it's probably thinking too hard about him that made him appear because it's the last place he thought he'd run into Eddie. 

Eddie, wearing black jeans and a burgundy henley, sleeves rolled up to reveal his forearms and--it's already too much. This guy can't be that sexy wearing nothing more than simple jeans and a simple sweater. It's not fucking fair. Not when he looks like a guy that just came out of a muffler. 

Eddie's as surprised as Buck. 

And it's probably because he've been thinking about him too much lately because this is the last place Eddie thought he'd run into Buck. 

For the first time in his life, he's thankful that he's a poor cook. Without it, he wouldn't be here, admiring Buck who, well, wears a navy blue cap on his head, a coverall of the same and a gray t-shirt underneath, both covered with black stains. 

That's right, he works in a car junkyard. Not that he asked, Maddie told them once when she came to the station for dinner. 

Anyway, it doesn't matter. 

That guy doesn't get to look this hot wearing nothing more than a dirty jumpsuit. 

He's got a lightbulb box in one hand, a credit card in the other and a packet of cookies under his arm. He has a smudge mark on his forehead, another on his cheek and he stares at him with big eyes. 

And it shouldn't be that cute either. 

Eddie watches him chew and swallow what he has in his mouth, which he assumes to be a cookie -or probably several given the time it takes- from the box he hasn't paid for yet. 

"Eddie, h-hey! What are you doing here?" He finally speaks, looking awkward, as he approaches a few steps. 

"Groceries." Eddie answers flatly, hands in his jeans pockets. 

Just because he's sexy -and cute- doesn't mean he's not angry with him anymore. He hasn't even sent a single message since that night. Of course, Eddie has his number too, but he didn't feel like he was the one to send him anything. He's not the one who ran away and didn't give any more news, but he's the one who ended up like an idiot in his own room with dirty sheets. 

"Yeah. Of course." Buck said, laughing nervously. 

There's a slight silence, where they're just looking at each other, and it's embarrassing to say the least. 

Finally, it's Buck who breaks it, just as Eddie is about to open his mouth. 

"I'm, uh, sorry I dragged it out last time." He throws himself in, and then pinches his lips together as if trying to hold a smile. "I don't usually do this, but I must say it left me empty... of all energy." 

And Eddie is split. He feels pretty proud, to learn that he did this to Buck. -His ego feeds off as much as it can, okay? But apologizing for staying? He was expecting him to apologize for leaving instead. But it doesn't even seem to have crossed Buck's mind. And now he feels more sorry for him than angry. 

Obviously, he's gone too long without saying anything, just looking at him, because Buck gives him an embarrassed smile that looks more like a grimace and then turns around and starts to walk away. 

And then ; 

"What if I wanted you to stay?" He asks, raising his voice a little bit so he can hear it. 

Fortunately, the aisle is empty. 

Buck turns around, looks at him as if he's pushed a second head, opens his mouth and closes it several times without saying a word. 

It might be funny if Eddie's heart wasn't beating so fast. 

He can't even believe he said that. Just like that. In the middle of the light bulb aisle of a poor convenience store. 

Then Buck opens his mouth again and this time he seems ready to say something, but he doesn't have the time. 

"Daddy? Can we have some chocolate?" Christopher's voice almost startled him and he looked down at his son, who suddenly materialized next to him. 

Carla is there too, but she doesn't say anything. 

"Buck! Hey, Daddy look, it's Buck!" Christopher gets excited when he sees Buck standing in the middle of the aisle. 

"Yeah, that's him." Eddie looks away from Buck and smiles at his son and it seems to unfrozen Buck because he's coming back to them. 

"Hey, buddy! How you doing?" 

"I'm great, we came to run some errands because Dad burned dinner. Why are you dirty?" 

Buck laughs and Eddie gets offended, his cheeks a little pink. 

"Christopher." He reprimands him, but he doesn't even know if it's for the embarrassment of burning his dinner or for the remark about Buck. 

"I came straight from work. I didn't have time to change before I left; my boss sent me here because someone broke a light bulb." 

"Was it you?" Christopher asks with a squint of suspicion. 

"Innocent as long as no one saw me." Buck answers in a conspiratorial tone. 

"That's what I tell Dad when I break something." 

"And that's a champ's technique, buddy!" He smiles as he raises his hand for Christopher to slap his. 

Carla chuckles and Buck looks up at her, a friendly smile raising his lips. 

"Hi! I'm Buck, Maddie's brother, you must be Carla? Everybody talks about you as the saint of saints." He laughs a little. "I'd give you a hug, but as Christopher pointed out, I'm pretty dirty." 

Carla smiles, sweeps his apology with a wave of her hand and puts her other hand on her hip. 

"Everyone's talking about you too, if you want to know everything." She points out. 

It's Buck's turn to blush a little. 

"Oh. Good, I hope?" 

"Nothing but good." She assures him with a wink. 

Eddie wants to say something but a ringing phone prevents him. 

Buck manages to slip one hand into his pocket and pull his phone out. 

"Uh, I'd love to chat with you guys some more, but my boss isn't gonna go for it." He grimaced as he rejected the call. "Carla, it was nice to meet you. Christopher, if your dad burned your dinner, I think the least he could do is buy you that chocolate." He says, shitty smile on his face, and then gives Eddie a wink. 

And he walks away, waving at them one last time and trotting until he disappears at the end of the aisle.

When Eddie turns around and crosses Carla's gaze, there is no doubt that she has seen where his has gone, setting is cheeks on fire for the second time that day. 

Fortunately, she says nothing. 

Buck has had time to think about it, all day long, and is ready to make a third good decision. At least he hopes so. 

Eddie doesn't really know what he was expecting, but he was expecting something. But again, he ended up with nothing. 

He realized that Buck wasn't going to answer him at the store, because there was Carla and Christopher. But he thought that maybe he would end up sending him a message. But he didn't. 

It's after six o'clock, more than six hours after they met at the store, and his phone is desperately quiet. 

It's when he doesn't think about it at all, busy trying not to burn dinner, that it vibrates in his pocket. 

_What if I had stayed?_

_**Dlvr 6:18 pm**_

Eddie finds himself biting the inside of his cheek so he doesn't smile like an idiot. 

He observes the message for a little while, feeling a little lighter, a little less tense. 

_I'd like to see you again. If it's okay with you?_

_**Dlvr 6:22pm** _

_I have one question before I can answer yours._

_**Dlvr 6:22 pm**_

_Yes ?_

_**Dlvr 6:22 pm** _

_Did you buy this chocolate plate from Chris? Because I can't accept seeing again someone who is twisted enough to say no to that._

_**Dlvr 6:23pm** _

Eddie finds himself laughing. 

_I even took three. One for Chris, one for Carla and one for me._

**_Dlvr 6:23pm_ **

_What about me?_

_**Dlvr 6:23pm** _

_You seemed to already have everything you needed._

_**Dlvr 6:23pm** _

_All his muscles need to be nourished._

_**Dlvr 6:23pm** _

Eddie rolls his eyes _._

_Are you free tomorrow? I come take you ?_

_**Dlvr 6:24pm** _

_How to refuse? But rather after tomorrow? I finish early. Is 5pm okay for you?_

_**Dlvr 6:24pm** _

_Yeah, okay, I'll be there. Will you send me the address?_

**_Dlvr 6:24pm_ **

The answer doesn't come instantly, leaving the opportunity to look away from his phone, just in time to see the poor charred omelette in the pan. 

"Damn." He swears before he turns off the gas and opens the window to get rid of the burning smell he hadn't even smelled before. 

Well, all he has to do is order. He has no doubt that Christopher is not asking for more. 

When the address reaches him about ten minutes later, Eddie smiles. 

That's a first. Him? Taking the initiative to ask someone out? No one would believe it if it got out. Not even him. 

When he finally falls into bed after a long day, Buck smiles. 

That's a first. Him? Agreeing to have a regular booty call? No one would believe it if it got out. Not even him.


End file.
